Nickie Muir.
The Regions. It's like District 9 where only the brave or the fool-hardy dare to tread.
The way this Government refers to anything that is not Auckland as "The Regions" is starting to echo the Hunger Games. A non-specified zone outside the border of the civilised and privileged.
The Regions. The Nether Regions. Alternatively; The Nether World. A dark wasteland existing to feed and fuel the economy with everything other than rising Auckland property prices.
We, the 75 per cent, have become: The Other. There are the real people, whose concerns and futures matter, and then there are the regional people who really don't.
It's been a slow slide; there was a time when the Regions were the power house of the economy. It would be interesting to note how many people, 50 years ago considered owning rental properties a real job, or even pretended it contributes positively to the economy.
Having just sold our family home in Whangarei, I waited, and waited for a local family to buy it. Only Auckland investors made an offer.
This rezoning of New Zealand into the real world (Auckland) and The Regions was evident with the regional economic development meetings a few years ago, hosted by then-MP; Mike Sabin.
The issuing of "tickets" or places at such meetings and their "unavailability" to most people including myself and even real journalists, meant a self-congratulatory back-slapping good time by a select few was had by all.
While some resourceful souls circumnavigated this hijacking of public debate - it indicates the regard with which this Government has for real-world, wide consultation with the diverse communities that make up "The Nether Regions".
Paula Bennett's beneficent bestowing of up to $5K to the long-term homeless if they'd only take their messy politically unattractive derrieres away from Auckland where they are despoiling the view, is yet another example of the political ignorance about what or who the Nether Regions are.
No regional mayors seem to have been consulted or the fact that we already have a housing crisis in Northland, discussed. The presumption is that if a large, otherwise happy base of property-owning Auckland voters are faced with the unhappy reality of what is happening to the rest of New Zealand society because - well, blanket-wearing people now occupy their footpaths, then it's easier to make them disappear than worry about fundamental economic change.
Enter Bennett stage left as Lord Capulet: "Banished!" If you don't have the loyalty of the population you might just rent it until the next election.
Other governments have done this before to stop the dispossessed taking to the streets.
Kuwait offered free food to everyone for 14 months. The King of Bahrain paid one-off $4000 hand-outs to stop people rioting.
Extrinsic rewards seldom work. Just like paying a bounty on possum tails incentivises, well, breeding them as opposed to eradicating them.
Here, in the Nether Regions, we're a bit tired of unwanted bridges, broken promises and bum deals. How can incentivising homelessness really help anyone?