Kevin Page: What to do on a boring Sunday afternoon when cuddles just won't cut it

What do you do when boredom strikes on a wet Sunday afternoon? Northern Advocate columnist Kevin Page offers some suggestions.

It's a wet Sunday afternoon and I've been banished to the other end of the house.

Mrs P is in the middle of an "Anything Jamie Oliver Can Do . . . " day and is going crazy in the kitchen. So far I've been called back on separate occasions to taste sushi and chicken soup.

This has been a little helpful because it briefly halted the boredom that has overtaken me. Unfortunately, any chance of my prolonging that state and staying close to my beloved disappeared with the bullet wound I've just put in my foot.

That'll teach me to suggest, er, a mid-afternoon "cuddle", won't it?

"Darling," she said compassionately, "I would relish the chance to experience such an opportunity with such a fine physical specimen as yourself but on this occasion I'm going to have to pass".

"Darling," she said. "I would relish the chance to experience such an opportunity with such a fine physical specimen as yourself but on this occasion I'm going to have to pass". Getty Images

Well, I'm pretty certain when she said, "go away" (or two words to that effect), that's what she really meant. Besides, she had a rather large kitchen knife in her hand at the time so I wasn't going to argue.

But it's got me thinking. What do you do on a boring, wet Sunday afternoon? Here are 10 suggestions:

1. Do some cooking. Get a few meals sorted for the freezer in the busy week ahead. Not that great if you aren't cooking inclined. I've discovered beans on toast are soggy when defrosted.

2. Watch a good movie. Good luck. It goes without saying there is never anything good on the telly.

3. Pay some bills. Which will confirm you pay a lot of money for a telly service only to find there's never anything good on.

Watch a good movie. Good luck. It goes without saying there is never anything good on the telly. Getty Images

4. Go open homing. Any opportunity to get out of the house is a good one. Plan ahead, though. There's nothing worse than turning up, having to take your shoes off and realising you've got a big hole in your sock right where your big toe pokes through.

5. Darn your socks. See above. Or if you don't know what darning is go buy some new ones. It will be quicker.

6. Read a book. I think people still do that don't they? Or is it all "podcasts" and "webinars" now days. If you are over 60 I will explain exactly what they are later . . . once I get my head around them myself.

7. Skype your granddaughter. I sort of know what this is. Well, I know what buttons to push on the "thing" etc. Mind you, I'm told there are other, easier ways to do that now on your phone so its already a bit old hat. A bit like Facebook. I just worked that out and now everyone is talking about leaving it. Was it something I said?

8. Get the vinyl out people and give those old records a spin. Or, like me, if you got rid off them make a mental note to go and buy some at the second-hand shop as soon as you can. They are making a comeback people. Next time they go out of fashion and then come back unexpectedly they'll be worth a fortune.

9. Get some friends round, have a wine and recreate Village People singing YMCA. Ask Dr Google, you youngies. And if you have teenagers or under 30s in the place absolutely insist they take part. Tell them you are making a video for You Tube and you need their input to make it go viral. If nothing else you'll have a huge giggle and have the neighbours wondering if you are practising for the next Hero parade.

10. Lastly, write your weekly newspaper column rather than leave it to the last minute on Monday night. Come to think of it, that's a good idea. I think I'll do that.

■ Kevin Page is a teller of tall tales with a firm belief too much serious news gives you frown lines. Feel free to share stories to kevin.page@nzme.co.nz .