Kevin Page
Readers of my recent musings will recall an attempt to scam me out of my meagre income by those dastardly villains from overseas via my computer.
In short, some bogus crew from India calls up on the phone and tells me they are from Microsoft. They then gravely inform me there is a problem with my Windows operating system but, miraculously, they can fix it it for me instantly . . . and so it goes.
Well, it seems I'm not the only one in our family who has been selected for such harassment.
Let me explain.
Recently I journeyed south to visit my mum.
After many years living in the family home in the country Big Mama has recently taken up residence in a lifestyle village in a small(ish) town. My journey south was to make sure she had settled in nicely. As you do.
At this point it is necessary to explain some background.
Sadly Big Mama has been deprived of some fulltime companionship since God decided he needed another panelbeater in Heaven - apparently the driving is shocking up there - and took Dad at a very early age some 30 years ago.
And living where she did meant people contact was minimal. Consequently Big Mama grabs any chance she can to engage in conversation. Any time. About anything.
Big Mama grabs any chance she can to engage in conversation.
Last week, while I was there, conversation centred on the state of her windows. Or rather HER conversation centred on the state of her windows. I just sat there like a stunned mullet, nodding every five minutes.
Note: The following paragraph has no full stops for effect. I'm sure you get the picture. Take a deep breath.
"Well they did Joan's up the road the other day and I thought they would come to me next but they didn't so I said to Andrea the village manager that they had missed me and she said she would get on to it straight away but that was Tuesday when I do my groceries which reminds me I must get some bacon to make a bacon and egg pie with for Tuesday because we are having a morning tea at the community centre and I always like to take something even if it is just something small but anyway hopefully they'll come and sort these windows out before then because I need to get cracking just look at the state of them"
They were indeed a bit grubby. And as I wandered round the outside of her new property a day or so later checking the security (as eldest sons do) I resolved to get in touch with Andrea myself if it wasn't sorted.
That evening as Big Mama was in full flight extolling the virtues of her new place - apart from the windows - she was cut of mid-stream by a phone call.
Deep breath again.
"Hello well I don't know what's happening here I spoke to Andrea yesterday and she has sorted it out and they are coming to do them on Thursday so I've changed my doctor's appointment so I can be here I just said to my son who is down from the North Island he's only here for a week that it would be good to get them done so he could see how good the place looks when they are done so no thank you it is all arranged"
And with that she hung up the phone, barely allowing a second for the caller to say much.
"Who was that Mum?" I asked thinking it odd somebody would ring outside work hours.
"Some Indian bloke from Microsoft or something wanting to talk about the windows. I told him they were getting done on Thursday ...