Jonny Wilkinson: It's virtually all bouquets and brickbats for Christmas

Jonny Wilkinson imagines adding a few presents to some Santa sacks. Getty Images

I always seem to get off lightly when it comes to Christmas shopping. My wife does most of the heavy lifting, leaving only one item for me to buy— for her.

Nowadays I tend to buy her present online. (While this allays the angst of actually going to actual shops, it conversely induces anxiety as to whether the damn thing will arrive on time or not.)

As we gasp towards the end of 2018, I am going to do another, even more virtual shopping round and bestow upon the worthy and not-so-worthy a few virtual presents to add to their Santa sacks.

■ A virtual pat on the back to Kristine Bartlett who won the Kiwibank New Zealander of the Year award. She changed the lives of thousands of New Zealand women and low-paid workers by successfully securing equal pay legislation for caregivers in the aged-care sector. Consequently some service providers will be receiving some virtual calculators from me in their Santa Sacks, as they now scramble to balance their books in the New Year.

■ A box set of the Netflix's series A House of Cards for National Party leader Simon Bridges, to help him reflect on his year of seedy phone discussions and clumsy backroom deals. He could learn a thing or two about how to smooth over callous manipulation from this show.

■ I bestow water wings for three instances of water torture survival this year. One was self-inflicted, one was a combination of bad planning and somewhat predictable bad weather, and the other a case of sheer idiocy. Scott Donaldson, who accomplished the historical feat of crossing of the Tasman Sea in a kayak receives a pair for self infliction. The 12 members of a young Thai football team and their coach, who after being trapped in a cave for several days, get a dozen pairs for bad planning. The Australian twit who nearly had her hand taken off while hand-feeding sharks in crocodile infested waters gets the final pair of floaties for sheer idiocy.

■ To the writers of the euthanasia bill which on the surface sounds fairly sophisticated, apparently with enough checks and balances to ensure that the person in question was making an informed and measured decision. Initially, I thought the bill only made provisions for people with a terminal illness. However, when I sat down and read it, I realised it was also for people with a 'grievous and irremediable' medical condition. Grievous: now there's an interesting adjective. It can be open to all sorts of interpretation, including lives that may seem grievous to others but are in fact lives still being valued. I would like to give the euthanasia bill writers a virtual enema so they can sit and reflect.

■ A sports reporting award to all the journo jocks who reported on the Paralympics in a mainstream fashion. M2 men's magazine's Gerard Seth interviewed the Paralympic medallist Cameron Leslie with enthusiasm and dignified inspiration. A virtual gong to you, Gerald.

■ A pat on the back to Shane Reti, Whangārei's MP, who is supporting an Election Access Bill. If it goes through it would offer resources to disabled people to stand for elections to remove any barriers in the way due to their impairment. It would also offer resources for organisations to hold educational events to encourage disabled people to vote on disabled issues in bipartisan fashion. Another pat also for Shane, for his support for the legalisation of medical marijuana.

■ For selfish reasons, I would like to bestow a one-way ticket home to our daughter, son-in-law and mokopuna who migrated to Brisbane.#missingisla

■ A chill pill for the sweaty Customs guy who grabbed me by both arms and man-handled me at Brisbane Airport.

■ A fancy dress costume for Minister Sepuloni, our Minister of Disability Issues, who spent a day in a wheelchair to ''better appreciate'' what it is like to be dependent on a wheelchair. Then she can play dress-ups without patronising people.

■ The Little Book of Calm for Don Brash and the Canadian alt-righters, Lauren Southern and Stefan Molyneux. Shudder!

■ A tin of Kiwi shoe polish for the Hawera Mt View Lions Club who dressed up as Black and White Minstrels with blackened faces and afro wigs and didn't see what was wrong with that. Really?

■ A laid back award to my neurosurgeon who operated on my neck but didn't tell me until three weeks later that I should be wearing my neck brace at all times.

For me, I am just looking forward to ditching the neck brace in the New Year and putting a full stop to 2018.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and an inclusive New Year.

- Jonny Wilkinson is the CEO of Tiaho Trust - Disability A Matter of Perception, a Whangārei based disability advocacy organisation.