I think I’ve still got some good conkers in my marble collection - Jonny Wilkinson

Jonny Wilkinson and wife Sally with their beloved pooch, Alfie. Photo / Supplied

OPINION

“But I thought, I thought I was right.”

“Well, boy, you know what ‘thought’ did?”

“What?”

“Well, Jonny, he thought he had a motor car, but he only had a horn.”

This was the frequent dialogue between me and my dear old Aunty Alison in my youth.

She was a darling, but naive and would wonder why me and my brother Tim, would snicker uncontrollably (toilet humour).

So, this week I had an appointment with a dermatologist to look at my vasculitis.

My doctor recommended I see him when the apocalyptic rash came on, as she felt it was outside of her broad knowledge of health.

The Health Coach at the practice rang around dermatologists in Auckland and told me there was an appointment available in Auckland, but I would have to go privately.

Apparently, appointments with dermatologist are rare as these master skin specialists are in short supply.

I was told I could be squeezed in some time in April, this was in early March, and I was appalled by the length of time I would have to wait.

Finally, April 22 arrived. Sally and I decided to have an urban mini vacation and stay in Auckland for a night. Sally, being a native West Aucklander, was quite keen.

We booked a hotel on Queen Street, knowing that there was a French restaurant next door that was reasonably priced and authentic.

As we drove through the Cove/Mangawhai Rd detour, winding our way by the coast we started pontificating what the dermatologist Dr Chin Yun-Lin would be like.

I had looked at his photo and bio on the Skin Foundation website. He looked young. He looked surprised.

We wondered if he had dabbled with cosmetic surgery himself. His specialty interests include skin cancer, melanoma, dermatitis, psoriasis, acne, pigmentary disorders, cosmetic dermatology.

I wanted value for money, so I announced to Sally that “the first thing I am going to ask him is what experience have you had in leukocytoclastic vasculitis?”

I then spent quite a bit of time practicing how to pronounce ‘leukocytoclastic’.

I was hoping he would tell me all kinds of important information that would heal my legs and bring them back to some kind normality. I was thinking of alchemist lotions and transformative supplements.

I wondered if it would be inappropriate to ask about shaving rash.

We finally arrived at the Skin Foundation in Remuera. I went to the reception and announced that I had an appointment with Dr Chin Yun-Lin.

“Oh” the receptionist replied. “He’s not here”.

I nearly coughed. My eyes started bulging.

“What’s your name?” she asked calmly.

Feeling a sense of rage building up, I gave my name while scrolling through my phone looking for the email with the appointment on it, to produce evidence of my appointment and demand an explanation for Dr Chin Yun-Lin’s absence.

I found the email and in a state of slow-motion shock, I read the date - it was not April 22, but July 22!

I stood there blinking, mutely as she clicked away on her keyboard - what the hell?

For some reason, the minute I heard the Health Coach say April, as a possibility it just stuck in my mind.

When I got the email from the Skin Foundation, I obviously doggedly saw the date and ignored the month as, of course it was April.

We went back to the car, I was in a daze of self-loathing, wondering if I was losing some serious marbles.

Sally, however, was optimistic and upbeat.

“Don’t worry” she said. “It was a good test run and now we get to have a mini urban break and enjoy that French restaurant.”

What the hell was I thinking? Well, you know what “thought” did?

Okay, let’s not go back to schoolboy humour - I think I’ve still got some good conkers in my marble collection.

But blimey, I ‘think’ I better rely on my Google calendar and not the old marble collection when July comes knocking.

Jonny Wilkinson is the CEO of Tiaho Trust - Disability A Matter of Perception, a Whangarei based disability advocacy organisation.