South Korea has Kim Jong-un. 101 Dalmatians had Cruella de Vil. The Labour party has John Key.
All tales have a villain. My villain - a cocky real estate agent.
While the villain of this tale is a realtor, one could yet feature in a sequel as a gallant hero.
Taking a drive this week I spotted a property with potential to become our first. I picked up my cellphone and called the number beneath the photo of a suave-looking expert. Heart firmly on sleeve - I divulged my domestic dream to him with as much honesty and innocence as you'd see in a child's painting taped proudly on to a fridge.
I also told him how much, or little, we were willing to pay for our Northland nirvana.
I'm going to assume that many little girls can cook up a storm in their plastic kitchens, serving fried crayons and plastic fried eggs for tea. Boys can usually build a Lego fortress for toy soldiers before they start school.
Fast forward a few decades. Little boys and girls grow up, fall in love and yearn for a home of their own.
It's a pity then that there is little room for a Disney fairytale glow when it comes to buying your first home.
The very suggestion that we could buy a wee home in a nice area for less than half a million dollars made my villain laugh. "Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! You won't get anything here for that."
I waited. Nothing.
My pregnant pause came full term and delivered zero. He didn't offer something closer to budget, not even an affordable section nearby. He made no attempt to keep me on the phone, nor ask me to leave my number or call him back.
I had clearly wasted his time. I apologised and hung up. He was the third real estate agent that week to give me that response, despite websites later showing heaps of houses within budget.
When the time comes to buy your first home, you need a kind agent who can let you down gently, or at least direct you to someone who can help make your domestic dream a reality.
I have a message for estate agents of Northland. WB Yeats put it like this: "But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."