Pumpkins: A vine romance

I never intended to grow pumpkins. I quite like them, but damaged thumb joints mean I need a clamp and a chainsaw to peel them, so I've never bothered.
But the women who lived here when we were away had no such issues, and their pumpkin patch regenerated a few weeks ago and is now covering an area as large as a paddling pool.
And it looks fabulous. Actual pumpkins aside, the leaves are huge and dramatic, the flowers are stunning even if they are yellow, the thing has grown like wildfire and smothered every weed in its path and, if it were a perennial, I'd have it all over the place.
Admittedly, I wouldn't have chosen to grow it right in the middle of the front lawn, but hey, beggars can't be choosers.
Now that I am a pumpkin-grower extraordinaire, I've been researching to find out what kind of pumpkins mine are, and what I've done so well that there are more than a dozen of them already on the vine and, by the look of the flowers, plenty more to come.
It transpires that I've done everything wrong, really, which proves, yet again, my theory that gardening is a lot about knowledge and quite a bit about luck.
I have completely ignored my pumpkins since I considered ripping them out as soon as The Partner was ready to transform that area of lawn into a new pond and outdoor dining area.
Now, after relentless trawling of internet garden sites, I discover that I should have dug the site over and added lots of compost to the soil - manure or sheep pellets. Nope, didn't do that. I should have pinched out the main stems to encourage more lateral stems and thus get a heavier crop. Didn't do that either, and just as well, since the crop I already have will feed the whole street.
Removing the excess leaves would have aided the ripening of my pumpkins, but since I already have three that are as big as soccer balls, I don't think that's going to be an issue. I should have been watering them religiously every morning, instead of bypassing them in favour of my orchard and ornamental trees. Feeling very guilty about that now.
I have no idea when my pumpkins were planted, but apparently the idea is to germinate seeds in late winter or early spring after the frosts are over. Seedlings will appear in about 10 days, and they'll be frost-tender. It'll take four to six months for the exciting bit to happen, depending on where you live.
Pumpkins are bashful and they hide, surprising you when you lift a leaf to investigate their progress. Once you've found any that are a half-decent size, slip a piece of timber under them to keep them off the ground and prevent rotting.
The rule of thumb is to harvest after the first frost - difficult where we live, since we can go from one year to the next without one. In that case, you can pick them when they've coloured up and sound hollow when knocked. Another test is to check that the skin is hard and doesn't leave a dent when you bash it. Sounds back to front, but that's the deal, apparently. And if the leaves have died off, chances are your pumpkins are ripe.
When you pick them, leave the stem on the pumpkin. If you take it off it can leave a wound and you may end up with rot. Stash them away in a dry, dark spot off the ground. They'll be happy in the garage, the wood shed or with the garden tools for company.
When you want to eat them, make soup, risotto, cake or muffins. Roast them, or bake in cubes with cream and nutmeg. Be very American and make pumpkin pie. Or, like me, make yourself feel incredibly clever by nonchalantly giving them to friends.

Tips and tales

* The world-record weight for a pumpkin is  more than 495kg, says Google.
* They're a great source of Vitamin A, and despite their propensity for putting weight on, they won't put much on you as they're quite low in calories.
* Pumpkins can put on up to 5kg  a day if you water them daily in the summer. Scary!
* When the plants start to run, bury the vine with only the leaf and half the leaf stalk showing.
* This will make the plant put down more roots and help its uptake of water and nutrients.
* If you're  fascinated by huge pumpkins, check out www.giantpumpkins.co.nz
Varieties

* Pumpkin varieties commonly grown for eating are  crown, Queensland  blue,  crown  prince and  butternut.
* The old-fashioned varieties are  triamble and Marina di Chioggia - pumpkin experts say they're worth looking out for.
* If you don't have much space, go for the small varieties and grow in tubs. These are  triamble,  baby  bear and peek a boo. If you have heaps of space and want to win a prize at the local A&P Show, the varieties to go for  are Atlantic giant and  big  boy, but they're not recommended for eating. Butternut produces small to medium pear-shaped fruit with deep orange flesh, and  buttercup are small to medium round pumpkins with dark green skin.
* To make suggestions, ask questions, agree, disagree, advise, elaborate, comment or berate, please email  info@gardenpress.net