Tommy Kapai: Whispers inside mansion walls

Plemty of political suitors seem to be knocking on Kim Dotcom's door. Photo/ Charles Howells

I spy with my little eye something beginning with PP?

It seems like every man and his blog are spying on Coatesville and its Chrisco Castle, to see who will be the next PP (Political Party) to come knocking on the Dotcom door.

Each day breaks a new story of a potential political party being formed from the clandestine "off the record" meetings going on at the Chrisco Castle.

It's kind of fitting that potential players in the political party saga.

So what did go on inside the cone of silence at Coatesville? Who showed up, who left happy?

The first cab off the rank that we know about is John Banks, although he can't quite remember meeting the big fulla, even though he choppered him up and showered him with gifts.

More recently Winitana (Winston) showed up.

Captain Kakariki (green) aka Dr Russell Norman has also been caught without his free trade pants down having visited the Chrisco Castle.

Turns out the only recycling Dotcom was interested in was the inconvenient truth about when his waka will be leaving the land of the long white cloud, on a one way ticket to an American lock-up.

Details of these visits got me thinking about what would have happened if some other politicians and notables had decided to pop over to Coastesville to visit Dotcom.

National MP Judith Collins could have gone undercover as a tow truck driver while Brendon "Hori" Horan and Terry "Hori Bop" Leeming could have taken the opportunity to represent Tauranga.

Brendon could have stood outside with nine others playing guitars and singing waiata about how digital democracy was going to put his party on the political map.

Meanwhile, HoriBop could have struck an accord with Dotcom with his dream of a Puku Party.

Both Horis and Dotcom could have agreed to get things going with a few games of bullrush on the front lawn of the Chrisco Castle.

Shane Jones could have gone to bang the Countdown drum only to find that Chrisco has always been cheaper at the checkout.

I reckon Hone Harawira would have had trouble finding the property and would have thought the turn-off sign for Coatesville said Kinoatesville, a tribe he knew nothing about.

He would have carried on up the line for a hui with Ngapuhi that will be worth about 30 Chrisco Castles when the Crown settles with them.

I wonder what had been discussed if Pita Sharples had joined the political party hikoi to Kim Dotcom's whare. Sharples would have been very clear on his yet to be formed Pony Tail Party, which I am seriously considering joining (although I do clearly qualify for the Puku Party).

And last but not least what about the Mayor of the land, AuckLen Brown. They would have had a lot in common.

Both of them are huge headlines today. But both could go from front page to fish 'n chip wrapping paper, before the next Chrisco catalogue arrives in our letterbox.

tommy@ttw.org.nz

Tommy Kapai is a Tauranga author and writer.