Tommy Kapai: That's kai for thought, Barack

What did John Key and Barack Obama talk about when they met on the golf course?

There is a great quote by Robin Williams (aka Patch Adams) that goes: "Golf is the only sport where a white man can dress up like a black pimp." I thought about this, not so much for the national Maori Golf Tournament starting today in Tauranga-Moana, but more so for when our Prime Minister was filmed, Facebooked and Twittered, pimping with the President of the United States, Barack Obama, on a Hawaiian golf course recently.

What did they talk about, our Prime Minister and the leader of the free world? We will never know but maybe it went something like this:

"Any chance of a 'selfie' Mr President? Bronny wasn't happy with my effort in South Africa."

"Same, Prime Minister. Michelle gave me the evils with my effort at Madiba's funeral. Not that Angela Merkel has got it going on, you know what I am saying Bro - and please call me BO."

"Cool Barack, call me JK. I can have it up on my Facebook page before the sun sets over Waikiki. I could well need it, come next election time."

"Understand that challenge, JK. Let's hope digital democracy kicks in, as I believe it will, and all folks from every colour, creed and social background exercise their right to vote. It will certainly change the political landscape in our country, as I am sure it will in yours."

"True that, BO. And what are your major issues at home?"

"Well we have some major challenges with our mayors. In our biggest city we had a serious contender for the mayor of New York called Anthony Weiner, who got outed for what was known as sexting images of his, well you know - last name.

"Well, mate, you are not alone. The mayor of our largest city was so passionate about his city brand, which in Maori is translated into Tamaki Makaurau - the land of a thousand lovers, that he thought he would give it a go, and it was huge headlines. And what about opportunities in the land of the free back home, BO. Any tips for my country?"

"Water is the new oil of the next millennium, JK. Forget about fracking and concentrate on cracking into water. You have an awful lot of icebergs floating your way."

"Mmm, that's good kai for thought, BO. It wasn't that long ago water was free and nobody wanted to drink it. Now it costs more at a gas station than petrol and it's a must-have accessory, much like a cellphone. Mind you, the subject of cool clear water is hotter than a hangi stone and our indigenous Maori people are sewing up water rights quicker than you can say surcharge."

(At this moment, Junior JK sinks a 10-footer and gets a high five from the President, while the nervous spooks watching from behind trees talk rapidly into their wrists.)

"And your drug problems? I see Colorado has relaxed its laws and legalised marijuana. Kind of gives a new meaning to the song Rocky Mountain High, eh BO?"

"Oh, you Kiwis you crack me up.

"That's true, JK. What we have now isn't working and saying no is naive at best. Robin Williams has a great quote on the game we are playing right now. Have you heard it?

"You know, JK, there is great hope for both our countries when we consider that a black man can be president of the most powerful country in the world and in your country a white man can make the most money out of sport carrying a black man's bag. Well that was until Tiger got caught putting his putter in the wrong bag!"

(BO high fives JK and son as if it's a slam dunk on the Colorado gag.)

"Yes, Barack, you are quite right and, looking at my booby socks and Bermuda shorts, so too was Robin Williams."

(And with that, BO and JK buggied off back to the 19th hole for a couple of coldies and a few more selfies.)

broblack@xtra.co.nz