Tauranga father facing losing wife to breast cancer, son to kidney disease

Melissa and Verron Tarawa with their 10-year-old son, Grayson. Melissa has metastatic breast cancer, and Grayson has incurable kidney disease.

Verron Tarawa faces losing his wife and son. Melissa Tarawa has metastatic breast cancer, and their 10-year-old Grayson has “incurable and progressive” kidney disease. The couple have had to come to terms with the fact that “one day we will bury our son”. Melissa hopes to outlive Grayson so her husband doesn’t have to face it on his own.

Tauranga father Verron Tarawa sleeps for two to three hours every night.

The 32-year-old panelbeater is working as much as possible to support his family and save for a house.

He wakes at 3am, trains, then goes to work. He clocks off when his 10-year-old son, Grayson, finishes school.

Verron then looks after Grayson, who requires full-time care. He has cerebral palsy, autism, global developmental delay, is non-verbal, and uses a wheelchair.

In March last year, Verron said, Grayson was diagnosed with “incurable and progressive” kidney disease.

Nine months later, at the end of last year, Verron’s wife, Melissa, found out her breast cancer, which she previously thought she had beaten, had metastasised and spread “everywhere” in her bones.

Melissa and Grayson’s prognoses are unknown, but the impact of their conditions has been immense.

Verron has been working “pretty much seven days a week”, having had two days off in the past 10 weeks.

“You do what you have to do out of responsibility, but ... it breaks your heart, you know,” Verron said.

‘He was supposed to die’

Verron said Grayson was born prematurely. He contracted a condition called foetal hydrops.

“He was supposed to die.”

Grayson lost half his blood and needed a life-saving blood transfusion at Starship hospital while in the womb.

The virus caused the “trauma” and conditions he lives with today.

Verron said Grayson had worked with specialists and physiotherapists for most of his life. He attends Tauranga Special School.

Tauranga 10-year-old Grayson Tarawa has incurable kidney disease.

About two years ago, Grayson became unwell. His urine “looked like blood”.

“We’d been going in and out of the doctors trying to get to the bottom of [it].”

A kidney biopsy confirmed he had “a rapid form” of kidney disease.

Verron said his parents died shortly before Grayson’s diagnosis. News of Melissa’s cancer spreading followed.

“It’s just shit, really. It’s exhausting.”

Verron said his half-sister, Angela Foster-Nesbit, had provided “outstanding” support and organised a Givealittle page.

Almost $19,000 had been raised as of Wednesday morning.

It felt “odd” asking for help, but he was “beyond grateful” to those who had donated.

“We don’t know what the sort of timeframe is on Melissa’s cancer ... once she stops working, it’ll just help with just the day-to-day expenses and being on one wage and trying to manage work and look after Grayson at the same time.

“I can’t work any more hours than I am, really. I’m only getting about ... two, three hours sleep a night.”

Foster-Nesbit said her half-brother had been “carrying the weight” of being a provider, caregiver, and partner.

She hoped the money raised would mean he could work less and spend more time with Melissa and Grayson.

Melissa’s cancer fight

Melissa, 55, said she was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2021 after finding a lump in her left breast. She had a lumpectomy.

A mammogram last year revealed the cancer had returned, and she had a mastectomy.

She then began experiencing “off and on” body aches, which she attributed to menopause and high cortisol.

In December, Melissa discovered the pain was caused by cancer in her bones. It had metastasised, and she was told it was “incurable”.

Her MRI scan results “looked like a Christmas tree” with the cancer showing up as “little white lights”.

Tauranga mother Melissa Tarawa, who has incurable breast cancer, and her husband Verron Tarawa.

Melissa said she was taking oral treatment, which would “lock it into the bone” and prevent it from spreading further.

“If my body is receptive to this, which so far it is, then we will stay this way until the cancer is on the move again.”

Her hope was to live like this for “years”.

“But we do have to be realistic ... we can only hold it back for so long, and it will move.

“We’re always hopeful, because at the end of the day it’s all I’ve got.”

Melissa, who owns hairdressing business Cuts on Cameron, said she worked daily but her hours depended on her health.

She said Verron was “being Superman”. Grayson had “the mind of a 4-year-old” and “doesn’t sleep at night”.

She said Verron was looking after Grayson at night and working on minimal sleep.

“He likes me to get the night sleep, which I’m very grateful for, but I do wish I could help him more.”

Melissa was grateful for the “incredibly humbling“ support from the community.

“I’m grateful also to my husband, who’s got the world on his shoulders right now.”

Melissa said people asked her, “what sort of outcome do I want”.

“I’m going to be honest ... Verron and I have had to handle the fact that one day we will bury our son.

“The biggest thing that I can hope for is I will outlive our son, so that I don’t leave [Verron] to do this on his own. It’s just too much.”

Megan Wilson is a health and general news reporter for the Bay of Plenty Times and the Rotorua Daily Post. She has been a journalist since 2021.