And if your surname is Nees please don't call your kids Dickie or Ophelia.
Mind you, pretty as it is, Ophelia can clash with a lot of last names.
Ophelia Payne, Ophelia Butt, Ophelia Hare.
Now while I have never dated a Robyn Banks, I have had a girlfriend called Robyn Cash, which is just as amusing.
Some surnames are just bound to cause trouble for those trying to get a good name for their child - even ones without the dangers of double entendre.
For example, no name is going to save a Smellie, or a Daft, an Onion, Willy, Pigg or Shufflebottom. Nor a Poor, Nutter, Toole or Slow.
Makes you wonder what their ancestors did for livings doesn't it?
There are so many very funny, but X-rated ones, that cannot appear in this column but they had me in tears while researching this week's effort.
Some folks revel in their unusual names such as Jason Cashdollar, who is queried on it every time he used his credit card. It comes from German Kirchhayer but was changed by officials at America's immigration port Ellis Island.
And, of course, marriage can save a person from a bad surname, or can dump them right into a life of a worse one.
People who hyphenate their names after tying the knot do open themselves up for problems.
Such as the following: Mr and Mrs - Wendt-Adaway, Long-Wiwi, MacDonald-Berger, Hardy-Harr, Looney-Warde or Gowen-Geter.
Now surnames can cause grief for commentators in sport.
One very witty one came in an Aussie Rules match where Rex Hunt, a very keen fisherman, used two players' names brilliantly to describe a foot pass from Paul Salmon to Kieran Sporn - "and it's Salmon upstream to Sporn".
Doctors seem to have real problems with names such as Dr Payne or Dr Hurt.
And how many times did this New York cabbie get clobbered for saying his name, Phat Ho, to the wrong woman?
How about this beauty - from a Singaporean cabbie - Batman bin Suparman? Swear to God, I've seen his licence.
Maybe I have it wrong and it could be that some parents deliberately pick a funny name for their kids.
And businesses such as:
Doolittle and Dalley (estate agent in UK).
And medical professionals:
Dr and Dr Doctor (married medics in Norwalk, Connecticut).
Dr Gass (an anesthesiologist).
Dr Fallis (does vasectomies).
Dr Filler (a dentist).
Kent C Strait (an optometrist).
Les Plack (dentist).
Richard Chopp (vasectomies).
And we know actors and actresses change their names to more appealing monikers but in some cases we can understand why - if purely for sensible reasons.
How could we take John Wayne seriously if emblazoned across the screen credits was Marion Morrison instead?
Anyway, the important thing when naming your kids is to think of a name that will serve them through all the ages of their lives, not just one that's cute for a 3-year-old.
Just for the record, my offspring are Richard, Alice and Frazer.
-richard@richardmoore.com
Richard Moore is an award-winning Western Bay journalist and photographer.
