Don't you wish you could have a "Eureka!" moment when all of a sudden you see something and it triggers a completely new thought that solves one of the world's great mysteries?
I had such an epiphany the other night.
I was watching the telly and up came a story on the news that fair zapped me with a sense of clarity I'd not had in weeks.
So what triggered this astounding reaction, you ask. Well, it was an item about a school that has banned its pupils from hugging.
Yup, things are so strict at Maidstone Intermediate, in Upper Hutt, that two girls were given detention for hugging a friend.
Now to be fair to the school, the girls were serial huggers and had been warned before about their horrendous behaviour.
After all, hugging can lead to ... well ... displaying emotions and I agree with any voice of authority - even teachers - that showing emotions is bad.
It can also lead to another awful habit - showing someone you like them and care about them.
This must stop and I am so glad the principal and teachers at Maidstone Intermediate are making a stand against that four letter word - hugs.
Hugs are subversive, particularly when in blatant contravention of the wishes of the voices of authority - even teachers.
And now the crime of hugging has been officially banned with a notice on the school's online message board that stated students had to respect each other's personal space.
Phew, if only border security was so rigorous in its approach to deadly menaces we wouldn't have a pesky Queensland fruit fly winging its way around Auckland looking for its floozie. By the way a floozie is a female fruit fly (floozias flybynighticus) just in case you are wondering.
And here I have to give a salute to Maidstone Intermediate's principal Richard Patterson who went on to the telly to explain why the curse of hugging had to be eradicated.
He said: "What we have said to the children is that as a day-to-day way of going about greeting and farewelling each other, it's not okay."
And he did it all very straight faced. And he is a voice of authority. Even among teachers.
Now one of the girls' mothers is reported to have said the gals were hugging a friend from another school they had not seen for some time. And she added the young huggers had been told by the school that their hugging may make other pupils feel left out.
All the school's little Noddy Nomates are going to feel ignored and unloved ... awwwwww.
Mind you, it seems the icy heart of the principal may have been affected by global warming (or is it climate change?) as he indicated a slight softening.
Mr Patterson said there may be some slackening of the rules "If a child is upset, if a child is leaving the school for a particular reason for a length of time and we feel the hug is appropriate, yes."
Hooray! Oh listen to the voice of authority - even a teacher. I'm fair overcome with emotion, what are these watery things running down my cheeks? Anyone got a tissue?
Where was I?
Oh yes ... my epiphany.
As I watched this story on the news I suddenly realised what the huge Moai are on Easter Island.
And here is my theory.
I reckon the Easter Islanders built the 800+ giant stone heads to worship their teachers!
No little tin gods for them.
Easter Island teacher gods had to be huge and all powerful, with a divine right to rule their domains and people as they saw fit.
And that's why they were just Big Heads, because if they had arms they may want to hug and we couldn't have that.
THIS note is to the person who shot Tigger the cat down in Papamoa East. I don't really expect you or any of your family to be able to read, however, just in case someone of your mental midgetry can put a couple of letters together here it goes.
Tigger died after days of pain. His family is now feeling a lot of pain at the loss of their friend.
Below is my email address. Use it to let me know where I can meet you for a gentle chat.
Look forward to hearing from you.
richard@richardmoore.com