Martine Rolls: Facebook can make you lonely

There was a story in the Bay of Plenty Times last year about digital depression and I read about it again in a lifestyle magazine the other day.

The columnist called it status envy. Seeing everyone else having happy holidays, handsome husbands, beautiful children, cute puppies and fabulous friends leaves many people feeling lonely and inadequate, so it seems.

It was quite a surprise to me when an Australian women's magazine found that 77 per cent of their readers admitted tofeeling insecure or jealous after looking at other people's Facebook profiles.

Adults struggle with it but for teenagers it is even worse. With all this technology around us, the battle for popularity is even harder than it used to be.

In our story, Otumoetai College principal Dave Randell said that he is a fan of Facebook for keeping in touch with friends and family.

But he also mentioned that the site, and others like it, could be dangerous for vulnerable and lonely teens.

"It's another social pressure - it's in your face. In some ways it's very hard. Some of our young people don't have the skills to use it appropriately and don't realise how it affects their friends."

An online poll we ran on bayofplentytimes.co.nz showed people mostly disliked seeing other people's overseas holidays or seeing people having fun at parties that they were not invited to themselves.

I am a bit worried now that my updates a few years ago about my amazing all-expenses-paid trip to Bora Bora might have upset some people.

The more recent post about getting an invitation to the opening to Phil Rudd's new restaurant at Tauranga Marina must have been even worse. I totally understand.

Does that mean I should keep my happiness to myself? I'm sorry if it makes people feel stink but I have every intention to continue using Facebook to tell everyone about the good things in my life.

Maybe I am a hopeless optimist but I genuinely wish all my friends a life full of fun and amazing experiences.

I enjoy seeing the photos and reading about it on Facebook. I use that Like button several times a day.

Where I come from we call this psychology from the cold ground, which means you should not try to help people with emotional issues if you haven't got a clue what you are talking about, but my suggestion is to try to overturn these negative feelings if you can. Let the feelings of jealousy motivate you to improve your own life.

And don't forget that what people post on social media sites does not always paint a true picture.

Status updates can be quite manicured, because why would people want to post their failures?

If you feel bad because everyone else on Facebook seems to be so happy, it's time to give yourself a break.

Truth is, life isn't always happy. I got reminded of this when I tried out a Facebook app with an amazing design a while ago.

You can create a page-turner with your own personal social memories. It's created by Deutsche Post/DHL and to make your own, see www.facebook.com/socialmemories. You can even order a 28-page printed version of the book.

My social memories showed that my Facebook post that was most commented on was the one I wrote when my dad suddenly died in October 2009.

Then, I saw and shared this: Post this if you have a Dad in heaven! If flowers grow in heaven Lord, then pick a bunch for me ... place them in my father's arms and tell him they're from me. Tell him that I love and miss him, and when he turns to smile ... place a kiss upon his cheek and hold him for a while.