KAPAI'S CORNER: Column

Hey, let's cut loose for a Long White Wedding
There's nothing like a royal wedding to brighten up the doom and gloom of recent times. When Will asked Kate to be his mate for the rest of his life last week, the whole world basked in the proposal and replied we do.
What a welcome breath of fresh front page news it was when we were greeted with the news of another Windsor tying the knot.
Now the question will be when and where. The "when" part of the wedding is what got me thinking in light of not many, if any, of us will be getting the royal nod from Wills' nanny, Queenie, and his koro, Duke, to show up on the big day.
For all of us who don't get a panui from the palace, inviting us to the Windsor knot-tying ceremony, then I reckon the next best thing is to go global and have our own at the same time.
Why not?
A right royal wedding here in Tauranga, and for those already bathing in marital bliss there could be the renewing of vows marked by a special Tuhua obsidian ring to celebrate the occasion.
Why not make Tauranga the Las Vegas of the Long White Cloud for a day? Just one dinky Di day and join Wiremu and Kataraina in their royal wedding?
Before you choke on your top teeth just crouch 'n' hold for a minute and think about it.
Got the touch? Now engage!
Land of the long white weddings could bring the brides and their grooms down under by the truckload. That's if the conservative whys could start asking why not for a change here in Tauranga.
Getting married on the same day as the royals could be a drawcard like no other and, if there is a Guinness record to be broken then, why not the world's biggest non-Moonie wedding - inside the new events centre at Bay Park?
If I had a mate getting married with 1000 others and a right royal reception afterwards, I would be up for it big time. Let's face it - half the weddings we go to are a pain in the proverbial with too much pomp and ceremony and not enough "truly madly deeply".
The spin-offs for retail could be looked into by Max Mason's team at the Chamber of Commerce and, who knows, a franchise of Royal Ring Gear shops could be opened up quicker than you could say Pick Me.
Not to mention the limited edition Bay coloured Buzzy Bees and Wedgewood mugs for the mugs who would buy them.
I can see the slogans and billboards ringing out in Times Square and other prominent places on the planet - calling lovers to take a walk on the wild side and wed your sweetheart down under. Forget about New Zealand 100 per cent Pure, we all know that's a dirty lie. Why not a white wedding billboard instead, with cool captions like ...
"Tie the Knot in New Zealand".
"Say I Do - Down Under".
"New Zealand - land of the long white wedding".
And for the doubters in debt who wanted to tie the knot down under at the world's wildest wedding, the proposal could be:
"I can live without money - but I cannot live without love - so marry me in New Zealand now."
Above each giant billboard would be a life-size drawing of Queenie and her Duke with her right royal quote "My husband and I have pleasure - hardly ever these days."
Okay, so that may be one step too many as could a pair of rugby boots holding hands saying "the biggest rucking wedding ever", but taking the first step down the aisle towards the land of the long white wedding could begin with a bit of Facebook feedback to find out what the rest of the world thinks.
Why should the Moonies have all the fun? Surely the Festival Queen herself, Jamie Joseph could put this one together in a heartbeat? Who knows, the penny pinchers who promote the Bay might wake up and smell the roses of a royal wedding and get in behind it?
That's if they have any dough left after the Hairy Hounds from Donaldson's' Dairy have been set in stone.
Oh well, dreams are like wedding vows, they do come true sometimes. Just ask a mate of mine who always vowed he would make a movie then get married - and now he could be doing both at the same time.
broblack@xtra.co.nz