Fighting back not the right approach

Encouraging bullying victims to fight back with their fists - the view of an American expert and supported by a Kiwi parenting guru - is sending the wrong message to our children.

American human behavioural specialist Dr John Demartini made headlines on both sides of the Tasman this week when he was promoting his new book in Australia. He believes bullying victims need to be taught to stand up for themselves and in some instances that could mean fighting back with their fists.

While Australian anti-bullying experts have condemned his views, one New Zealand parenting expert agrees with him.

Ian Grant, the co-founder of Parents Inc, says although violence should be treated as an absolute last resort, in a very few cases it could put an end to bullying.

Children should be able to stand up for themselves but violence should not be tolerated, let along encouraged, and should only ever be used in self defence.

Teaching children that violence can solve issues is only creating further problems in a generation that is already struggling with the issue more so than many other countries.

According to a report to a Ministry of Education summit in 2009, bullying in New Zealand schools is more than 50 per cent above the international average.

Secondary Principals' Association president Patrick Walsh has been the voice of reason in this contentious issues.

He says Dr Demartini's view is sending students the message that it is okay to take the law into their own hands.

Bullying is a complex issue and one that schools are already working on.

After a report in 2007 showed Hutt Valley High School had not adequately dealt with a case of bullying, Mr Walsh says schools have become more proactive at dealing with the issue.

Using violence to solve disputes is not how life works in the adult world and our children need to be taught to resolve disputes accordingly.

Improved relationships between schools and parents to create anti-bullying programmes will be more successful to stamp out bullying than Dr Demartini's approach. His suggestion will only encourage young people to stoop to the level of their tormentor.