The Bee Gees tell me I should be dancing. Instead, I'm listening to the 70s classic while reclined in a dentist's chair.
"Can I have the excavator, please?" says the dentist to his assistant.
That doesn't sound good.
Next, he's asking for something that's gold.
I imagine a capped gold tooth, or possibly a grill (decorative cover) adorning my front teeth.
I could be New Zealand's oldest beginning rapper.
Instead, the dentist is drilling between my back right molars. An X-ray earlier this month revealed a cavity. This, despite brushing with high-fluoride toothpaste, flossing and using an interdental brush.
So now, I'm uncomfortably numb, mouth stretched wide, saliva pooling in my throat.
I imagine a young child getting drilled. Only they often get knocked out with general anaesthesia to have rotted teeth scraped, filled or pulled.
The New Zealand Medical Journal reported dental caries was the most common chronic disease in children in 2019, affecting 37 per cent of 5-year-olds.
Earlier studies showed childhood medical conditions and infectious diseases, particularly respiratory tract diseases such as asthma and middle ear infections, were associated with an increased risk of early childhood caries.
The problem is well-known.
So is the solution: Add a minute measure of fluoride to our water systems.
The fluoride decision in the past has been left to voters, most of whom are neither dentists nor scientists.
Is it any wonder previous efforts to enact something that's been vilified (without merit) have failed?
While excessive fluoride can be toxic, so can water without fluoride.
Drinking too much water, regardless of what is or isn't in it, can kill you. In rare cases, people have drunk so much, their sodium levels plunged, and they died.
As with so many things, dosage matters.
The Ministry of Health says children and adolescents living in areas with fluoridated water have 40 per cent less tooth decay than those living in areas without.
More than 60 years of studies around the world support the significant benefits of water fluoridation for oral health.
Nearly half of Aotearoa's population already has access to fluoridated water.
A new Government plan announced last week would give the country's Director-General of Health decision-making power on the fluoridation of water supplies, removing the choice from local councils and district health boards.
It's about time. Most politicians and voters do not have the years of training and experience to determine which quantities of fluoride, plus disinfectants such as chlorine and ozone, to use.
Given a choice between taking action to improve public health and doing nothing, too many people choose the latter.
Dental Association spokesperson Rob Beaglehole told RNZ giving the fluoride decision to the Director-General of Health was the right call.
"The Dental Association is extremely happy that the government has finally taken leadership on this issue. We believe it makes a lot more sense to streamline the decision and the Director-General of Health is the right person to make that decision.
"I think the DHBs and councils will breathe a great sigh of relief that this decision making has been taken off them and given to the Ministry of Health and the Director-General."
The Dental Association says widespread water fluoridation will mean not only a lot less pain, suffering and general anaesthetics for children, it will also lead to lower costs for taxpayers.
Beaglehole said those who opposed water fluoridation needed to have their thoughts and beliefs acknowledged but "at the end of the day we need to look at the totality of evidence".
Dentists, doctors and other health experts say water fluoridation is one of the most effective, cost-efficient methods we have of improving people's health by preventing tooth decay.
The current patchwork system punishes people living outside cities such as Auckland, Hamilton and Wellington, which have had fluoridated water for decades.
Why should people in places like Tauranga and Rotorua be disadvantaged?
Tooth decay is one of the most common causes of hospitalisation for tamariki.
And adults spend hundreds of millions of dollars each year having their own cavities fixed.
People over age 18 need fluoridated water, too.
Dental decay is reduced by 27 per cent in adults according to an analysis of fluoridation studies by the American Dental Association.
As the population ages, we're keeping our natural teeth for a longer time, making them more vulnerable to decay.
Older adults also experience more gum recession, increasing the risk of root rot. Studies show fluoride is incorporated into the root structure's surface, making it more resistant to decay.
Children deserve to grow up with healthy teeth. A nationally-fluoridated water system will mean fewer children getting surgery for preventable disease.
It will also mean fewer hours for adults sitting in dentist's chairs listening to the Bee Gees. I would be dancing if I could avoid another $225 bill.