Yeah, nah - that's a joke.
I love that you don't take yourself too seriously. How can you when half your population wears jandals year-round, the other half wears no shoes at all, and a sizable number of people are stripping out of wetsuits alongside Marine Parade at any moment?
I love that you've accepted me and my children. Even though we're not from here, you've made us your own.
I love that the friends in your city are as plentiful as shells on the beach. I love that those mates are always willing to lend an ear, share a cuppa or throw out a lifeline.
I love your embrace of sport and movement - for hosting more games, tournaments, matches and races than we'll ever be able to attend or take part in. I love that you nurture everyone from beginners to elite athletes.
I love your sunny disposition. Your rainy periods foster an appreciation of clear skies which seem to stretch forever in late summer.
I love your sounds - waking before sunrise to birds, cicadas and the sea before the cacophony of cars and construction commence.
I love your shoulder seasons, when crowds have thinned, cafes are calmer and food arrives at the table inside of 30 minutes.
I love your beauty - the sweeping bosom of sand bisected by Moturiki (Leisure) Island as seen from the top of Mauao; the way the sun's yoke rises beyond the horizon of blue sea.
I love your trails - the places we walk, run and cycle within our urban playground, tucked away from traffic near the harbour, waterways and through the bush.
I love your rituals - the prescribed order of events like a walk around the Mount followed by coffee.
I love your clubs - where we practise skills and sports, make connections, serve other people and learn about leadership.
I love your volunteers - servant leaders who, in another realm, are bankers, parents, truck drivers, nurses, teachers, attorneys, baristas, doctors … no matter their other jobs, they raise their hands time and again to ask, "How else can I help?"
I love your arts - the way you attract and nurture world-class musicians, artists, actors, writers and people dedicated to making works of emotion and beauty accessible. I love that you dedicate entire festivals to bringing us joy.
I love your schools, though they struggle from being loved by too many people at once. I love that my children have turned strangers into friends. I love that they've learned to read, write and solve problems within the classroom walls and beyond.
I love your diversity. I love that I can go to the store without being asked each time about my accent, because being from somewhere else is normal.
I love your food, especially when it's in season. I love your avocados, green-lipped mussels, kiwifruit and blueberries. I love your chips so hot, they require a cooling squiggle of tomato sauce. I love your ice cream in a waffle cone, which is always in season.
I love your warmth - a "polar vortex" might mean zero degrees, not minus 20 degrees, in July. I love wearing short sleeves on the beach in winter and buying leather boots strictly for fashion. I love not shovelling snow, not driving in it and not stretching rubber grippers over my trainers in hopes I won't kill myself trying to run on ice.
I love your abundance of water - your ocean, harbour, rivers, lakes and streams. I love that you've encouraged my son to surf and to discover the joy of submerging his body in a cold natural spring on a 27 degree day. I love that even my non-seafaring daughter will swim in Pilot Bay.
I know nothing's forever, but I hope our relationship lasts a long time. And unlike a box of sweets or bottle of bubbles, the memories you've delivered are forever.
But if you want to bring chocolates and wine, I'll savour those, too.
*What do you love about the Bay? What would you miss if you left?
