Talk To Me If You’re Single is a community event designed to help singles meet offline. Photo / Michaela Pronk
Swiping left and right has become second nature for many singles, but a growing number are finding dating apps leave them feeling more disconnected than ever.
Instead, they’re searching for something increasingly rare in modern dating: meeting someone in real life.
Pāpāmoa resident Jay Bradley said the apps reduced people to a few photos and a witty line, creating an experience that felt more like shopping than connecting.
He wanted to step away from that cycle, craving something that digital exchanges could not offer.
“For me, it was about wanting something that feels more human than transactional.”
Bradley said he frequently experienced long conversations online that never translated into real-world dates.
“There’s often lots of chatting and lots of initial chemistry at first, but not much depth or follow-through. It can create this illusion of endless options, which makes it harder for people to commit to actually building something.”
For him, the richness of real‑life encounters could not be replicated on a screen.
“When you meet someone through shared spaces, dance classes, community events, mutual friends, you see how they move through the world. You see how they treat people. There’s context. There’s body language. There’s presence. It feels more grounded.”
But Bradley was also aware that choosing to go off the apps made dating slower and took far more courage, because rejection happened in person instead of letting the connection fade into silence.
Tauranga woman Clare Broad, who is dating in her 50s, has had issues with online dating that were all too similar.
“This human catalogue system has us reading a short profile and flicking through a few photos to see if we want to swipe right.
“It encourages snap judgments rather than real engagement.”
Broad said apps had some benefits, particularly in connecting people who might never have met otherwise, but he believed the downsides were weighty.
“People ghost, block, or move on as soon as something doesn’t sit well. It is easier for them to continue to the next than have any challenging moments or conversations.”
She said many users experienced what she described as dating app fatigue.
“The admin alone can be time-consuming, and dating on repeat can lead even the most positive of us into thinking ‘is this worth it?’”
But she said alternatives were not always clear.
Calling it a “catch-22”, Broad said people felt exhausted by apps but were also unsure how else to meet someone.
“There is that je ne se quoi that can only be felt between two people in the flesh.”
Vicki Wild’s search for a companion online revealed that age offered no escape from the pitfalls of modern dating.
Wild described herself as “a young 68″ and said she was simply hoping to meet someone to enjoy life with – someone who might go dancing, take day trips, go camping, or share a picnic.
“I’m not looking for the romance of a century,” she said.
“Just a nice man for company.”
But she said online dating could feel unreliable, with some people using outdated photos or lying about their age for fear they would be dismissed based on the superficial judgments apps encouraged.
Marriage celebrant Sacha Quinn, who has been in the industry for three years, said around 70% of the couples she marries met on dating apps.
Even among her friends, she noticed the pattern was similar. Unless they met their partners in high school or university, most met online – and faced familiar challenges.
“Like my friends, definitely, you really do have to trawl through the apps to find a decent human.
“And they feel like there isn’t much of an alternative any more, because people just aren’t out and about in the same way.”
Talk To Me If You’re Single event organiser Micheala Pronk introduced the speed-dating event in Mount Maunganui after noticing just how often people shared identical online‑dating woes.
“When I started having honest conversations about my experiences, others opened up about theirs.
“It wasn’t just a few people feeling this way; it was the majority.”
Pronk said many people confessed they had all but given up on dating apps after putting themselves out there, only to feel crushed.
She created the event in response, describing it as a relaxed speed-dating evening designed to bring people together face-to-face.
The event, held at Somethin’ Somethin’ cafe, included drinks, food, and an MC guiding the evening to help people feel comfortable.
The first event sold out quickly, with another already planned.
Speed dating is not new, but Pronk said it felt refreshing amid today’s oversaturated culture of online match-making.
Zoe Blake is a multimedia journalist at the Bay of Plenty Times and Rotorua Daily Post.