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Home / Bay of Plenty Times

Best of 2020: Rob Rattenbury: Are you an introvert? Don't feel bad, you're not weird at all

Rob Rattenbury
By Rob Rattenbury
Columnist·Whanganui Chronicle·
13 Jan, 2021 04:00 PM5 mins to read

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Some people struggled during lockdown with lack of social contact and I really feel for these people. Photo / file.

Some people struggled during lockdown with lack of social contact and I really feel for these people. Photo / file.

The Whanganui Chronicle brings back some of the best premium content of the year for your summer reading enjoyment.

After a few weeks of reading articles about how people coped with Covid-19 and the isolation it forced on us all I realised that, for the first time in a long life I am really comfortable with being the introvert I have basically always been.

Introverts can get a bad rap for being stand-offish, never ringing friends, always making excuses for not attending social events.

Really others should not take this so personally.

We like our own company and are very comfortable just cruising at home with a book, a box set or, in my case, researching stuff for articles I am paid to write.

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My being an introvert caused my father no end of stress when I was small.

Dad was a social bunny, never happier than when he was in the middle of a crowd, working the room and being the centre of attention.

Mum was the opposite, hence why several of my siblings and I enjoy aloneness.

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I have been told that I was the kid invited to the birthday party who decided to remain playing with the presents of whoever's party it was while the others played party games, I was quite happy with all the new toys thank you.

Reading the articles about how people coped differently with isolation it appears that many have actually gained comfort in being themselves, not having to put themselves out there, perhaps for the first time in their lives, and Covid-19 has changed their view of themselves and the world in terms of socialisation forever.

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These people are, like me, people who would prefer to work from home.

Others struggled with lack of social contact and I really feel for these people as I assume being an extroverted type of person cut off from the stimulus of other people, events, gossip and being generally seen around town must be awful to deal with, whereas people like me love that.

Introverts are not weird, we do have close family and friends who know us well, love us for who we are and put up with us and our wee ways. We do like getting out and about now and again, but let's not overdo it.

There is that book waiting, just delivered from Fishpond that I am dying to get into or the new series on Netflix that my daughter-in-law was telling me last week that I simply must watch.

Luckily for me I married a woman who is more outgoing than I am so it works well for us.

 Rob Rattenbury: Introverts are not weird, we do have close family and friends who know us well, love us for who we are and put up with us and our wee ways. Photo / file
Rob Rattenbury: Introverts are not weird, we do have close family and friends who know us well, love us for who we are and put up with us and our wee ways. Photo / file

I get pushed out to functions or events which overall are good for me. Herself has her own strong interest groups that keep her busy both at home and elsewhere leaving me to get on with being me.

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There was a long time when we were younger that we were both party animals but I was always looking for the chance to re-charge away from the parties, outings, trips and crowds. This usually manifested itself in family time with our kids.

Many introverts push themselves to socialise when teenagers and young up-and-comers because of the pressure to be accepted and popular with peers, work colleagues and, unfortunately, managers and supervisors.

Thankfully this pressure dissipates as one ages. One settles into a few close friendships, some of very long standing, and a lot of acquaintanceships or nodding friendships in shops, clubs and other public places.

So Covid-19 for me, a retired chap, was a chance to kick back and enjoy life. As I am one of the health-compromised as well I did not have to go out to get the milk, biscuits, wine and chocolate, leaving that for my healthy, younger and outgoing partner.

The first couple of outings after lockdown to meet mates for coffees or lunch were great though I must admit. But after an hour or two the eyes were wandering to the watch and I was remembering stuff I had to do at home, making arrangements to meet again in the near future.

Being an introvert meant that I always preferred working alone or independently of others, described once at a seminar to identify potential managers as "not a team player". I was arrogant enough to respond that I was a team player as long as I was running the team. I did not make management in that particular organisation, something I am eternally grateful for.

Introverts can make very good leaders and managers as they usually have quite strong values systems but they need to be able to develop the skills of sharing and consultation perhaps more than some others.

They also need to learn the art of delegation. It is just easier for introverts to go and do something themselves without having to faff about getting others interested or motivated enough to bother.

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