Annemarie Quill: Women and the dark side of wine

Alcohol is classified by the World Health Organisation as a Group 1 carcinogen.

A woman turns to her husband and says, "I don't ever want to be kept alive, hooked up to a machine and dependent on fluids."

So he got up, unplugged her iPad, and poured out her glass of wine.

It's one of my favourite wine jokes that circulate on Facebook, which often my girlfriends swap with each other for a chuckle.

There are jokes about the size of the glass - one with a woman saying she limits herself to one glass a day, but pictured with a giant glass taller than her.

Jokes about how much wine is drunk: "There is nothing better than one glass of wine, ok well maybe the bottle."

Jokes about drinking because we are working mothers "My idea of a relaxing evening is spending quality time with my husband and children. Just kidding! I am on my third glass of wine."

Or "Buy mum some wine for Mother's Day. After all, kids, you are the reason why we drink."

Jokes about hanging out for a wine: "4pm, that awkward time when it is too late for a coffee and too early for a wine."

The dark humour does the rounds. We read the same jokes again and again but they still make us smile. They express a shared understanding. We are all women, busy with families, work, school, sports. Many of us like to relax with a glass of wine.

Wine o'clock. The reward at the end of a long day that started early morning with bickering children and packed lunches, school runs, busy traffic, deadlines, meetings, busy traffic, bickering children, homework, dinner, PTA, washing, ironing, cleaning, supermarket, bills to pay, budgets to balance, deadlines.

Just writing that sentence has made me want to pour an ice cold chardonnay. Is it any wonder women drink wine?

Women are drinking more of it than ever before.

Seventy-six per cent of Kiwi women drink, and 71 per cent of female drinkers drink wine or sherry, according to a New Zealand survey published this year.

A report published in May by the Organisation for Economic Co-Operation and Development (OECD) said in most OECD countries, the drinking behaviours of women were converging to those of men. OECD economist Mark Pearson called it the "dark side of equality," with the report's authors saying the increase in female drinking could be due to woman's careers with more responsibility, higher levels of stress, and more opportunity to go out drinking.

"More years spent in education, improved labour market prospects, increased opportunities for socialisation, delayed pregnancies and family ties, are all part of women's changing lifestyles, in which alcohol drinking, sometimes including heavy drinking, has easily found a place," the report says.

So what? A few glasses of wine a night isn't going to kill anyone, is it? It might.

Alcohol is classified by the World Health Organisation as a Group 1 carcinogen.

There is a link between the amount women drink and their risk of cancer, but not enough women know, says Otago University public health expert Professor Jennie Connor. Speaking at last month's first New Zealand conference on women and alcohol, Connor said that female drinkers were more likely to die of cancer related to alcohol than a car crash involving drinking.

"I loved talking to and meeting some of these women. They are brave, thoughtful, self-aware, mature and resilient. Their children can be very proud of these strong mothers."

Breast cancer is the lead cause of alcohol-related death in women.

One in seven of all breast cancer deaths is related to drinking. In Britain, the public health service is expected to slash its recommended drinking levels because of the link between alcohol and cancer, reported the UK's Daily Mail this week.

Plus, as our Inside Story reveals today, the addictive nature of alcohol means for some women, the daily glass of wine turns into a bottle or several.

For some, wine o'clock chimes early in the day, every day, until some women are locked in the grip of alcohol dependency, which one described as a shocking disease, hellish to recover from.

The Bay women featured in our story are far removed from any stereotypical image of a drunk in a trench coat with a brown paper bag. They are mums running busy households, with professional jobs or their own businesses, active in the community. High functioning - they did their wine-drinking at home (another trait noted in the OECD report among some women). Their dependency was also hidden.

Their stories are frightening - how their drinking spiralled out of control so much their lives started falling apart - kids leaving the family home, nearly losing houses or jobs and, for some, contemplating losing their lives.

These women are sharing their stories so that anyone out there who does want to dial back the drinking can seek help.

It would be easy to read and think "Oh, that isn't me, I just have a few glasses". For some that may be the case. For others, alcohol becomes an addiction that is difficult to recognise, because wine is so much part of our culture, particularly as women.

They didn't have to tell the tale of their worst moments. They shared how, when drinking, they hadn't looked after their families or children well.

I loved talking to and meeting some of these women. They are brave, thoughtful, self-aware, mature and resilient. Their children can be very proud of these strong mothers.

On July 11, Alcohol Anonymous is holding a public meeting in Tauranga where anyone is welcome, whether you are worried about your own drinking or that of a friend or family member, or simply just want to learn more.

Of course, not everyone who drinks wine is addicted to alcohol. Many women will choose to enjoy this form of time out. That is their choice. But when there is such great emphasis and public awareness on the dangers of smoking and sugar, for example, Kiwis could also be more reflective about drinking.

While women may make jokes about wine o'clock, researching this story made me wonder where the feminism of the'60s and'70s has got us.

We are still looking after the household and children, like our'50s counterparts, but many women also have to work and be the breadwinner. If this pressure is driving some women to the fridge every night to reach for a bottle of wine, and others are drinking themselves to death, then so called equality, or 'having it all' is not looking all that hot to me.

It's Dry July this month, where Kiwis are encouraged to give up alcohol for a month to raise funds for cancer services. Scott Savidge, country manager at Dry July NZ Trust, says the month is not only a great fundraiser, but an opportunity to examine your own drinking patterns and appreciate the value of a healthy, balanced lifestyle.

Ending the month healthier, brighter, wallet heavier and body lighter, with the support of others, and raising money at the same time sounds like something worth raising your glass of Perrier to.