Grief changed motivational speakers attitude

Rachel Callander has worn a piece of yellow every day in remembrance of her daughter Evie. Photo/supplied

All of us face challenges, whether in our personal or professional lives, and finding beauty at these times is at the crux of getting through them, according to inspirational speaker Rachel Callander.

Rachel is being brought to the city by Waipuna Hospice to talk about her personal experience of grief, of how she and her husband dealt with the long-term illness and death of their 2-year old daughter Evie.

While she will never discount the pain of living through such enormous grief, she says what she realised, through Evie, is that grief and death are part of the fullness of life.

"The way that we process grief affects the way you live your life. Hopefully, people will feel like I'm not discounting the hurt when I say, it is beautiful and it is possible to get through the pain."

She says, during Evie's illness, a medical risk assessment summarised a catalogue of "wrong" in Evie. It was this catalogue that inspired a change in Rachel's attitude. She was determined her daughter was not going to be dismissed and categorised as a failure.

"I ignored their risk assessment and decided to make up my own - to show how wonderful my daughter was. I called it Evie's Awesomeness Assessment and I wrote down all the awesome things about Evie."

"She wasn't going to be treated like a second rate citizen. Sick children shouldn't be measured by tick charts and rated as failures when they don't measure up. We are very good, in our culture, at not accepting people for who they are," she says. That assessment helped Rachel see the situation through a different lens.

Instead of seeing Evie as a medical failure, Rachel found majesty in the midst of grief, and after Evie passed away, it was this that helped get her marriage back on track.

Waipuna Hospice fundraising manager, Trish Rae says says Rachel has important messages for all of us whether we are going through grief or not.

the fine print
What: Life, Love and Awesomeness - Waipuna Hospice
Where: Holy Trinity Church
When: September 23, 7pm-8.30pm
Tickets: $20, Ph 07 552 4380