Bitchin' Channels

A blog about television and radio with Paul Casserly

Paul Casserly: Chicken is a ladies meat

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Lena Dunham as Hannah Horvath in Girls.
Lena Dunham as Hannah Horvath in Girls.

Another month means another collection of quotable TV moments. Can you guess which mouths spewed out these little gems?

1) "If Jesus had a gun he'd be alive today."

2) "To me chicken is more of a ladies meat, so it's more of a vegetable."

3) "I love Sonny Bill but this was bullshit."

4) "Over half the people who have lived on earth have been wiped out by mosquitoes."

5) "Swinging like a suburban key party in the 80s."

6) "Let's hope it doesn't taste like shit."

7) "I almost died a little inside."

8) "That wasn't sex, you came in my thigh crack."

9) "Daniel Day Lewis is good but I think the actor who really got inside the head of Lincoln was John Wilkes Booth."

10) "Am I a dull white guy? Of course I like Coldplay."

Answers

1) "If Jesus had a gun he'd be alive today."
The satirical wisdom of Homer Simpson is still fresh and relevant all these years on. This was from a recent new season episode that also featured (the voice of) Tom Waits as a doomsday prepper.

It's up there with a line that has been attributed to an American teacher, Ma Fergusen, who was against the introduction of Spanish as a second language. "If the King's English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it's good enough for the children of Texas!"

2) "To me chicken is more of a lady's meat, so it's more of a vegetable."
He only lasted two episodes, but Johnny, the bearded hillbilly farmer on MasterChef was one of the best finds of the series. In his initial appearance he was asleep after being up all night at the Auckland casino. Apparently he went in with $200 and came out with $14k. We also saw him driving his tractor while drinking a beer. Hey 2013, I think we've already found our New Zealander of the year.

3) "I love Sonny Bill but this was bullshit."
Said a clearly peeved Mr Botha, who was 'beaten' by SBW in that contentious contest that achieved the seemingly impossible: Making boxing seem even dodgier than we already thought it was.

4) "Over half the people who have lived on earth have been wiped out by mosquitoes."
One of those lovely facts you pick up while watching Steven Fry and his panel of smarty-panties on Prime's best show, QI.

5) "Swinging like a suburban key party in the 80's."
A welcome British touch to the cricket commentary from Seddon Park. Not sure of his name as the local guys only referred to him as "Bumble" in that annoying way that sporty types use nicknames.

6) "Let's hope it doesn't taste like shit."
Everyone loves the Tasmanian dad from My Kitchen Rules. No airs and graces for him. He's a good solid Ozzie bloke, not like those lippy girls from India/Bangladesh who became this season's bad guys.

And boy, do the bad guys bring in the viewers, the night after Jessie and Biswa were eliminated the show dropped from 2.2 million to 1.8 million (the Australian broadcast that is). But the producers have taken some flak for being too good at making the pair seem so bad, what with the death threats and all.

7) "I almost died a little inside."
Jessie or was it Biswa? On MKR after they served an awful dish and the judges described it accurately. The girls wound the 'haters' up so much that some of them nearly exploded, like the Rugby League star who wrote, "Get them two curry munchers off #MKR, they are just pure annoying now. Making the programme shit. ???????? #MKR,"

He later apologised, tweeting: "Just wanna apologise for the remarks I said last night about the two Indian ladies on. #MKR If I offended anyone I apologise #MKR"

8) "That wasn't sex, you came in my thigh crack."
Yet another gem from Hanna (Lena Dunham) on Girls. This was after she got it on with Jessa's weird younger brother and he complained "you were using me for sex."

9) "Daniel Day Lewis is good but I think the actor who really got inside the head of Lincoln was John Wilkes Booth."
Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane, while hosting the Oscars.
Despite a solid performance, the humourless Hollywood audience were often silent.
Apparently many were shocked that the guy behind Ted and Family Guy told some puerile jokes. Who could have guessed?

10) "Am I a dull white guy? Of course I like Coldplay."
Said a character on Family Guy, just before he harvested one of Meg's kidneys.

-nzherald.co.nz

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