So Lance, do you mind if I ask you a few questions? (Spotted in Ranui).

Should've locked the door first

Steve from Hamilton writes: "Being a keen rugby fan, I was explaining to my wife how a lock has to put one arm and hand through the prop's legs and grip the front of their jersey, in order to best keep the scrum strong and stable. My wife didn't quite understand, so I said I would show her. She would play the lock and I would play the prop. In the middle of our lounge and with much giggling we began our role-play ... At the precise moment of my wife putting her hand through my legs and up to my groin area, our friendly neighbour stepped into our lounge. Our combined mortified looks and compromising position didn't help. We can still see the look on her face."

Definitely not disabled


"I witnessed a late model BMW enter the Wynyard Quarter Fish Market car park on Monday and park in a 'disabled only' car space and watched as the able-bodied young driver placed a 'disabled person's' permit on the dash, got out with the rest of the family and there clearly was not a disabled person among them. Yes, some members were old but could walk just as well as my Mum of 80. Can someone please tell me if it is illegal for non-disabled drivers to present a 'disabled person's permit? And who would they have persuaded in some way into issuing a permit? Was the disabled member of the family left at home and the driver still used the permit?"

Kids are classic
1. One day, a few years after moving to Auckland from a dairy farm, when I was having a soak in the bath, my 6-year-old son came looking for me. He said, "Mummy, I don't s'pose you've got milk in your bosoms anymore?"... "Don't s'pose I have," I replied. "You could try eating grass."

2. My preschooler asked me one day what I did at work. Urinalysis was one of the many and varied tests I did in a medical microbiology laboratory. My simplified explanation must have left an impact on him, as he later told some mothers at his kindergarten that, "my Mummy works in a lavatory and she looks at people's wee-wees".

3. My daughter's daycare had a yearbook at the end of the year, with an "I wish ..." page for each child to say their wish. One delightful child caused much mirth with our household and friends by saying, "I wish Mum and Dad would wear pyjamas".

4. As the mother of seven boys (no girls!) I remember one incident when two of my sons were 3 and 4 years old. I was at the clothesline hanging nappies only to hear raucous laughter from the side of the house. I went inside to check and one 'angel' had the water hose on full throttle through the open bedroom window aiming at No2 'angel', who was jumping all over our double bed trying to dodge getting wet! Wallpaper and floor saturated, no need to say what the bed looked like!