Stories making headlines across New Zealand at noon include zombie invasions, another dumb criminal and volcanologists say new data has revealed the Mt Tongariro eruption wasn't just a shallow explosion.
After getting injured during survival training in Brunei, New Zealand army signals officer Dean Hall lay in bed thinking about how to survive an invasion by zombies. Now he's a wealthy man.
In Napier District Court, Judge Tony Adeane has dressed down a man who led "a ridiculous parody of a burglary". Meanwhile Judge Adeane has been continuing his "war" on taggers and graffiti by locking them up.
Scientist say the Mt Tongariro eruption was not just a hydro-thermal eruption as first thought, but was in fact a phreatic eruption driven by volcanic gas pressure, but they are no wiser about what will happen next.
"It wasn't just a shallow explosion, there was definitely magma gas released and that's why we're saying it was a phreatic eruption, driven by volcanic gas pressure," he said.
A "No non-essential travel" notice has been issued on rural roads in Waitaki District with 29 roads in the district closed.
A 20-year-old father breaks his daughter's legs and causes other injuries in assaults before she is even four months old and he gets to go home and sleep in his own bed.
Two months after brothers Raymond and James Dunn were ordered to vacate their late mother's state house in Whangarei, they are still there.
Far North Mayor Wayne Brown is irate.
Samuel James Shepherd was driving on a relatively straight section of Puketona Rd when he lost control of the car, which slid across the road, hit a bank, became airborne and landed in a ditch on the other side of the road.
Debbie Stewart uses methods dating back 4000 years to train raptors.
Tablehand Tama Turei Brown, who robbed someone of tobacco and cigarette paper, has been given his three strikes warning.
"It sucks that she knew on the podium what she had done," said Valerie Adams' sister of disgraced Belarusian drugs cheat Nadzeya Ostapchuk
East coast political and business leaders are getting really frustrated with the government and KiwiRail.
"One moment the road was clear, then I saw these tandem truck tyres coming towards me - then bang," said John Robinson, who thought he was going to die. Meanwhile a trucking safety expert has emerged with a new safety device that will apparently stop truck wheels coming loose.
Tauranga councillors had a good old chortle and hoots of laughter when deputy mayor David Stewart describe Creative Tauranga's SmartArts strategy as a "smart arse" strategy.
With their house surrounded by the Armed Offenders Squad, an Aramoho woman emerged carrying a young child, and then a man, wearing just a towel around his waist, came out as well.
There were cries of joy as Tawhero School children were introduced to their shiny new laptops.
After drinking at least 12 bourbon and colas, Dylan John Terry went for a mad ride becoming airborne, spinning out, then driving on the wrong side of the road before deliberately ramming two police cars who were pursuing him all because he didn't want to lose his licence for drink driving.
Powder Hounds who want to make the first tracks on fresh snow at Mt Hutt can do so for another $20.
A daily commuter train operating between Christchurch and Ashburton has been canned before it got on the tracks.
A Dunedin motorist who allegedly ran a red light and collided with another car took off and then crashed into a second car moments later, only to again flee the scene.
Dates have been confirmed for next year's 14th annual iD Dunedin Fashion Week.
Failing to comply with the Historic Places Act has cost an Auckland-registered company that dug up earth at the former Gibbston Hotel in Queenstown over $16,000.
Queenstown police just want to reiterate seven separate incidents involving Australians, including theft, nudity, disorderly behaviour and gross intoxication is proportional and Aussies are still welcome in the resort.
Meanwhile the Central Otago District Council has approved 20 extra parking spaces in the Alexandra New World car park.
The top trending topics on Twitter in NZ at Noon were: #20ThingsIDontLike, #MentionADateYouWillNeverForget, #MYBOX, #JustGettingStarted, #ARISEconf, #AskJai, Sydney, Wellington, Auckland and Twitter.