"I take notes all the time when ideas hit me," Woody Allen told TimeOut in a 2012 interview, "and I throw them in a drawer. So I have a drawerful of ideas and I could probably make a lot more films."
Well, the idea for this film might have been better left in that drawer. A comedy devoid of wit, a murder-mystery thriller neither thrilling nor mysterious, it has pretensions to some sort of philosophical heft but it's as shallow as a puddle, a CliffsNotes pastiche of Kant and Kierkegaard that makes for a pale imitation of the masterly Crimes and Misdemeanors.
Phoenix plays Abe Lucas, a famous philosopher whose appointment to a small-town university excites the staff and students, though it's hard to see why, as he's a paunchy, red-eyed alcoholic depressive in the grip of an existential crisis. "I'm bullshit," he tells star-struck student Jill Pollard (Stone) and, given the slouching, sullen style of his lectures and his pouting self-centredness, it's hard to disagree.
When he overhears a diner a conversation involving a woman beset by legal troubles he realises he can solve her problem - anonymously and perfectly - by knocking off the source.
Perhaps he was away from undergraduate lectures on the day they explored the moral objections to murder (not to mention the fact that it's against the law), but this flash of insight, which sets him thinking about how he might execute the perfect crime, magically banishes his ennui and lends his life a sense of purpose.
On this rickety framework, retrofitted with rationalisations, Allen hangs a pseudo-Dostoevskian drama which, according to the film's press notes, "expresses an unvarnished picture of [the director's] worldview". It would give too much away to explain why the film, as it plays out, expresses no worldview at all (except perhaps that God is a practical joker with a poor command of dramatic plausibility), but it's safe to say neither Allen nor Abe put anything at stake in the game.
Posey, as a careworn colleague and occasional bedmate, is the only likeable person on screen and, unlike the others, she doesn't muff the improvised dialogue that makes some scenes seem like bad Theatresports skits. It's the Woodman's worst since Melinda and Melinda.
Cast: Joaquin Phoenix, Parker Posey, Emma Stone, Jamie Blackley
Director: Woody Allen
Running time: 96 mins
Rating: M (sex scenes, offensive language)
Verdict: An unfunny comedy and unthrilling thriller
- TimeOut