By RICHARD BOOCK
The Pakistan tour has become so bizarre that it would not be a complete surprise if the visitors selected Groucho Marx at opening bat for the first cricket test, and named his brothers Chico and Harpo in the middle order.
Already on this tour we have seen more comings and goings than in a K Rd house of ill-repute.
If the trend continues, it might not be long before the Pakistan Cricket Board has enough travel points to purchase an entire airline.
As reports continue to emerge of irreparable rifts between senior team members and coach Javed Miandad, doubt was still hovering over who was still officially in the national squad last night after yet another farcical dispute between the home and tour selectors.
Having named three replacements for the apparently injured trio of Wasim Akram, Saeed Anwar and Azhar Mahmood, the board was left making frantic changes to the schedule last night after the team management decided to reconsider the arrangements.
Akram is by all accounts out of the tour, but last night Anwar and Mahmood had still not been told of their fate and it was unclear whether they would remain for the tests or not.
Anwar evidently rates himself a reasonable chance to be fit in time for the second test, and Mahmood is struggling with a side strain.
While the tour management ponder what to do, the board has already named veteran batsman Ijaz Ahmed, paceman Fazl-e-Akbar, the uncapped Faisal Iqbal (Miandad's nephew) and opener Taufeeq Umar as replacements.
On top of that, off-spinner Arshad Khan - brought over as a replacement for Saqlain Mushtaq - yesterday found himself in the perplexing position of being jettisoned from the tour and then retained, all within 24 hours.
Sources close to the Pakistan camp insist that some of the senior players confronted coach Miandad and chairman of selectors Wasim Bari over the decision to send home Saqlain, who was apparently being punished for bowling a costly final over in the fourth ODI at Christchurch.
The selectors reportedly stuck to their guns until at least eight players threatened to walk off the tour.
Saqlain, who was given a last-minute reprieve, has apparently protested to Miandad and manager Fakir Aizazuddin over the initial decision.
He said it was unfair to discard him on the basis of one over.
When it became clear that Saqlain was staying for the test series, the board tried to bring Arshad home but was thwarted by the tour management once again.
Whatever chaos reigns over the replacement players, the other hot topic of discussion yesterday was the decision not to send for Shahid Afridi or opening batsman Imran Nazir, both of whom looked useful during the ODI series against New Zealand.
The Pakistan side arrived in Auckland yesterday having not only lost the ODI series 2-3 but also the tour match against New Zealand A by an innings.
But they were not in any hurry to address their concerns at practice.
Asked before they left Auckland airport whether they wanted a practice session organised, the tourists said they did.
But by the time the bus had pulled up outside the team hotel the idea had been abandoned.
Although they have concerns over their weakened bowling attack, the main problem facing Pakistan at the moment is the strength of their batting line-up, which will be without seasoned opener Anwar, and might also be missing vice-captain Inzamam ul-Haq.
In their absence, Pakistan's most senior batsman will be the talented Yousuf Youhana.
He will be surrounded by a platoon of young and unproven players such as Imran Farhat, Saleem Elahi, Faisal Iqbal and Misbah ul-Haq.
Ijaz will apparently not arrive in New Zealand until after the test starts tomorrow.
Pakistan squad (at last count): Moin Khan (capt), Inzamam-ul-Haq, Saeed Anwar, Imran Farhat, Saleem Elahi, Taufiq Umar, Younis Khan, Yousuf Youhana, Ijaz Ahmed, Faisal Iqbal, Misbah-ul-Haq, Humayun Farhat, Waqar Younis, Mohammad Sami, Fazle Akbar, Abdur Razzaq, Saqlain Mushtaq, Mushtaq Ahmed, Arshad Khan.
Cricket: All aboard for the magical mystery tour
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