Ten questions you should ask your partner before getting married

Relationship experts say there's ten questions every woman needs to ask her man before taking the step toward harmonious matrimony. Photo / Getty Images
Relationship experts say there's ten questions every woman needs to ask her man before taking the step toward harmonious matrimony. Photo / Getty Images

So you've got a guy, you are plotting what dress you'll wear down the aisle - but are you absolutely certain that he's the one?

Relationship experts Olga Levancuka, author of How to Be Selfish, Marisa Peer, author of Ultimate Confidence: The Secrets to Feeling Great About Yourself Every Day, and Annabelle Knight say there are 10 questions every woman needs to ask her man before taking the step toward harmonious matrimony.

"Men's attitudes to marriage can be very different to women's, often coming down to external factors such as how it reflects on their image, their work, wanting to have children, family pressure and so on," said Levancuka.

So how do you pinpoint the guys that believe in marriage? The answer lies within which questions you ask.

1. What do you like most about living together?

With this question your husband-to-be will give you his ideas about what it means to be together. Don't be surprised if his answers are different to what you conjured up in your mind that they might be. The point with this is to listen!

Most women expect men to change after marriage and while most will make adjustments and compromises to accommodate the other person - don't assume it's definitely going to happen. If the guy tells you he's planning to watch rugby with his mates every weekend, while you envision foot-rubs and snuggles, he's probably not the one for you.

2. What makes you happiest in your relationship with me?

This question will give you an idea about how he really feels about your relationship. Don't be surprised if, instead of giving you compliments, he shares more the practical strength and support he gets out of it. The answer shows whether he sees you as an important part of his life and if he does, that's a compliment in its own right.

3. What are you saving for?

Instead of asking about his relationship with money, his answer to this question will reveal more than you might think. You'll be able to figure out if he is thrifty or careless. It will give you an idea if he values boys' toys over family essentials.

4. What about our religious differences/similarities?

Even if you're both the same religion on paper, it might mean completely different things to each of you. In a case where you don't agree with each other's views on religion, is it possible to be respectful of your differences? If he expects you to change and you're devoted to your beliefs you know he is not marriage material.

5. Where would he rather spend Christmas?

Not only will this question prove if he values you as a part of his life, it will show you if he is prepared to spend the festive season with your family. If you are considering children it is an important point to cover. Coming to an agreement that suits each other's wants is an indication of the maturity of your relationship and whether you're willing to compromise with each other.

6. What role will children play in your life?

This is obviously a biggie and very important - this can be a real deal-breaker for some so it's important to find out the role your partner sees himself playing. Does he see himself as a hands-on father or a weekend dad, when he works so much he only can see his kids on the weekend?

7. What about your sexual desires?

There's real potential here that you might get a wacky answer you least expect but at least you can have fun predicting what he's going to say - don't take it personally if he suggests a threesome - that's the little man-land fantasy of many. Emphasise you meant "with me" and be open to his answers if he's honest. Sex is an important part of a relationship and if you are not on the same page, with time you run the risk of one or both of you looking elsewhere.

8. What do you do when you are angry?

It might be an unusual question but when men get frustrated, they can get angry and that anger will eventually find an outlet. You need to know, is that outlet the gym or something that should be reported to the police.

9. How is your relationship with your mother and sister?

The answer to this will demonstrate how he views his relationship with women. When we like someone we are on our best behaviour, trying to impress. If you are considering marrying this guy, you need to know what he'll be like to you a few years down the line, when the romance stage has lapsed.

10. Are we going to keep our independence?

For many couples, exploring solo projects is the key to a happy and healthy relationship. On the other hand there are couples who literally do everything together. Will it be cool to go on holidays with your friends? Or will that be a step too far? Would it hurt your feelings if your partner wanted to spend time alone without you or would you feel the same way?

- nzherald.co.nz

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