Fangs for the memories

Goth Tash Micheletti. Photo / Anthony Phelps

Forget Anna Paquin. There's more at stake than TV ratings for adherents to the 'vampyre lifestyle'. Geraldine Johns investigates what's going on in our cemeteries after midnight.

At risk of stating the bleeding obvious, it's very hard to be a vampire devotee these days. They may be hot on screen and page, but it's not so easy to keep the faith when you have to hold down a 21st century day job and give a nod to modern-day necessities as well.

To picture the vampire is to imagine matters Gothic. But true devotion touches regions far deeper than first impressions of members of the black-clad, high hair, gloomy music movement might suggest.

It's not just the unending stares that you have to endure. Or the rejections of both the personal and career kind. It's not even the abuse and misunderstanding; that all goes with the territory.

The modern-day vampire lover's lot is much more tough. There are the pretenders who demean the status of the truly, deeply dedicated. It costs a lot. And there are health and safety implications to consider that could generate a whole new chapter in an OSH manual.

Consider the case of one Wellington vampire lover. It is no great surprise that she does not want to have her name attached to this piece.

She has the voice of a tinkling piano. She writes polite emails. She has a sharp brain but it's her teeth that she really wants to hone.

At the top of her Lotto list of wants should she ever win is a little bit of dentistry. This young woman wants to get her two canine teeth filed into points. Or, more precisely, fangs. But there are a few obstacles in her way. Even if she could afford the procedure said to cost a few thousand dollars there are what she calls the 'impracticalities' to consider. "I don't want to bite someone and cause pain. And I don't eat meat, so I don't need to tear anything apart."

There are other 'impracticalities' to consider, too. Like finding someone to perform such a procedure. An exploration of the finer details of tooth-filing reveals that although it is an accepted practice in Balinese Hindu societies and some African tribal regions, it's not the done thing professionally speaking here.

Auckland dentist Deanna Nelson says she was approached by someone who wanted just such a job done with metal caps to complete the job. Nelson declined.

"I like to make smiles more beautiful, and I really didn't feel that silver fangs would achieve this," she says.

Another dentist (now retired and preferring to remain anonymous) says that although there is nothing legally wrong with the practice, he too would have declined to perform such a procedure on professional grounds. To do so is to remove natural tissue, he explains. "And once the tissue has been destroyed, it won't grow back again. It can only be remedied with expensive cosmetic treatment."