Adam Green
Wow. Where has the year gone?
The middle of November is upon us.
The glitter of tinsel appears in the stores, the Christmas hams start to fill the spaces where a month ago there was an elaborate cheese display.
"The perfect gift for Christmas!" say the signs.
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The emails arrive asking if you'd like to have your staff party the same place as last year, but Jan from accounting did that thing that no one talks about but everyone remembers so you don't want to go back there.
The glistening baubles start to hang (that's probably an age and heat thing more than a November thing, anyone else found that?)
Everywhere you look there's a jolly fat man with a beard. (Even in the mirror. Note to self: Start summer body regime immediately.)
And every year the cries ring out from the two sides of Christmas debate.
"Leave the decorations off that branch, remove this Christmas avalanche, and don't you dare start Ho-Ho-Ho's or play that damn song from the Pogues!"
"Ho-Ho-Noooo!" echo the lovers of the early celebration.
"The smell of pine is in the air, we're buying Granddad underwear, we've let Michael Buble out the cave, he's singing ALL our Christmas faves, the celebration has begun, so join us in the Christmas fun!"
"We will NOT accept this time of year, is the time to start our Christmas cheer, we will not budge, we will not flinch - though you will say we're like the Grinch. So take that tinsel off my desk and give this Christmas talk a rest!"
"What's that you say? Please go away? And stop this Christmas fun today? Oh no no no, I will not budge, now try this tasty Christmas fudge, and sing along with voice out loud, these carols will make Santa proud!"
"Do you know where the sun don't shine? Put your fudge there, that would be fine, and PLEASE remove that Santa hat, it is not the blinking time for that. Just two more weeks is all I ask, before this jolly rubbish starts!"
"Just a tiny bite of Christmas ham? This jar of Nana's Christmas jam? There must be something I can do, to get you in a happy mood?"
"Oh yes there is, of that I'm sure- Just go away, now there's the door, come in again if you remember Christmas joy starts in December!"
• Don't miss Adam Green and Sarah van der Kley on The Hits Hawke's Bay from 6am to 9am, Monday to Friday.
It ran across suburban streets and the runway – then authorities intervened.