Cold start cure ...

"One motoring memory I have concerned a 1954 Morris minor," writes Warren L. Johns. "This was 1967 and they were still a popular car. My plan was buy a Morris, do it up and sell it. I went to see the car and took it for a test drive. The elderly lady told me about the car - sometimes it took a while to start the motor on cold mornings. A few days later, I set off to pick up the car from the lady who lived in Otara. The business side didn't take long - getting the ownership form, handing over the money and asking for a receipt. We set off for Blockhouse Bay. A little before I got home I noticed a strange burning smell coming from the motor. I parked the car in front of the house and lifted the bonnet. I peered in to look at the motor. In the dull early evening light I couldn't see the motor. Looking harder I saw the motor was covered by a blanket now with a smouldering hole. I had driven all the way home with a blanket covering the motor."

Malapropisms in brief

1."When very young my niece, concerned for my health, pointed out 'Uncle Phil, if you keep smoking you'll get cancelled'."

2."My Grandma must have confused orange juice with holy water. She used to call concentrated orange juice 'consecrated orange juice'."

3."Took my three young sons to the local shopping centre. They all wanted to go to different places, so we made a time and a place to meet. Youngest son suggested that 'we will all have to circumcise our watches', then wondered why we were all laughing."

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5."I asked my carer daughter if many clients at the rest home used iPads and if they could use them whenever they wanted. She replied that they were limited but it depended on how incontinent they were."

6."My friend Lynn thinks that you take garlic and euthanasia to prevent colds in the winter."

7."After hearing of it I finally saw it for myself in a Facebook posting. A guy selling a car that was, 'for all intensive purposes a good car'."

Tradie will be missing his tools

A forgetful tradie has left two tool kits on the berm in Western Springs Rd. "It would be good to reunite them with the owner, who I am sure is missing them," writes Lyn. Contact Sideswipe with a description.