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Paul Casserly: The Ridges, Nazis and Honey Boo Boo: TV's best quotes

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Alana Thompson, aka Honey Boo Boo Child. Photo / Supplied
Alana Thompson, aka Honey Boo Boo Child. Photo / Supplied

Here's a collection of choice TV quotes from the month of October.

Can you guess who said them?

1. "Fishermen fish first and ask questions later."
2. "That was terrible Julian, give yourself an uppercut."
3. "It's just like the Nazis."
4. "No Chinaman ever came into my village and burned it down."
5. "When an amateur bullfight got out of control in Columbia."
6. "I'm sweating like a whore in church."
7. "That's a matter for the public and the leaders office it's not really any of my business."
8 "I ended up being the most hated woman in New Zealand."
9. "I have never seen a show in this country that so engaged children and families sitting at home watching TV together."
10. "Mr Romney just said he killed Osama Bin Laden."

The answers:

1. "Fishermen fish first and ask questions later."

Said a scientist on Prime's The Last Ocean, the beautiful and passionate movie made by long time nature filmmaker and national treasure, Peter Young. Its mission to save the Ross Sea from overfishing is admirable, but there was something simplistic about a world view that paints fishermen as all bad and scientists/ecologists as all good. Dark foreboding music was even used to sledgehammer this point when we saw an evil fishing boat dong some evil fishing, then happy music played when we saw lovely empty happy landscapes. If only humans hadn't turned up to feck up the "ancient natural order."

2. "That was terrible Julian, give yourself an uppercut."

Julian Wilcox displaying an unusual degree of self awareness - for a current affairs host - after bumbling his way through some viewer texts and tripping over his tongue on Native Affairs. (Maori) The final show for the year is this Monday (8.30pm).

3. "It's just like the Nazis."

You probably guessed Christchurch right? But this wasn't a skinhead related incident but rather the reaction to the planned demolition of the damaged heritage building, Cramner Court. Fun fact: The machine being used for the task is called "the nibbler".

4. "No Chinaman ever came into my village and burned it down."

Said Ella Henry on TV3's Think Tank. It was in answer to a question from John Tamihere about how she felt as a Maori in relation to Chinese immigrants.

5. "When an amateur bullfight got out of control in Columbia."

Throw the words "amateur bullfight" into any news promo and you have me. I will stay tuned, I will not miss this for anything. And so it was the night I heard Sacha McNeill utter these words on a Nightline promo. The story did not disappoint and you knew that it would end badly when it began with the words "Boozed members of the crowd are allowed into the ring to taunt the bulls."

6. "I'm sweating like a whore in church."

That was mother of the year, no not Sally, but June, Honey Boo Boo's mum, as reported on an E News update. The reality show in question, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is awesome, though Forbes magazine reckons the producers are wrong to "portray Alana's family as a horde of lice-picking, lard-eating, nose-thumbing hooligans." There are other detractors too. Some making dire predictions about Boo Boo's future: "A depressed and obese substance-abusing woman in her 20s or 30s sits at the bar, asking the bartender for one more and paying with the last remnants of blood money she earned as a child reality television star." While this opinion piece in the Guardian makes the rather good point that "none of the women or girls who participate in the show seems to hate themselves for their poverty, their weight, their less-than-urbane lifestyle or the ways in which they diverge from the socially-acceptable beauty standard."

7. "That's a matter for the public and the leaders office it's not really any of my business."

Said David Cunliffe, after he was asked if he was happy with how David Shearer had handled the missing tape saga. Still DC managed to say it without smirking and high-fiving the journalist.

The Shane Jones cleverly played interference by invoking an unsavory mental picture: "I've had a guts-full in my career talking about video tapes believe you me."

8. "I ended up being the most hated woman in New Zealand."

No not Minnie Dean or even Hekia Perata but Sally Ridge, who was talking about Rachel Glucina's 'campaign' against her, which is apparently the reason she is the most hated woman in NZ. Naturally the final episode of the Real Politically Incorrect Guide to Teenagers, also known as The Ridges was primarily a vehicle for promoting Rachel Glucina as the most hated woman in NZ. But you'd have to say that apart from the mouse, Glucina provided the show's only other truly memorable moment.

9. "I have never seen a show in this country that so engaged children and families sitting at home watching TV together."

A glowing review given by Julie Christie to herself, as she described her version of Australian show The Block in a press release to mark her exit from the company she founded (Touchdown) and then flogged off to Eyeworks.

She also seemed to be having a go at someone, possibly the networks: "The recent trend of caring so much more about "carriage" - how content is distributed - rather than building an industry that produces great NZ content, means that our television is amidst very troubled times."

One theory doing the rounds is that for an entrepreneur like Christie the relatively slim pickings available making TV in NZ may finally be driving her away. Cue cheering in Karori and Grey Lynn. Although the Herald's Rachel Glucina reckons "insiders don't rule out a potential position within broadcasting - either in network television or a large political organisation, such as NZ on Air."

10. "Mr Romney just said he killed Osama Bin Laden."

From the first one of the many hilarious SNL spoofs of the presidential debates. Although for my money the best moment comes at 4.25 on this spoof of the second debate.

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