When Ben Phillips found himself in the middle of a conversation about small penises on his first ride as an Uber driver, little did he know that would be a tiny glimpse of what was to come.
When it comes to riding an Uber, it turns out Australian passengers are a frisky bunch, according to Phillips, who has shared his somewhat awkward experiences.
From Sydney's Sutherland Shire, he quit his fulltime job at a start-up to become a fulltime Uber driver last year, but when he came up with a genius idea to create a blog about the people he encounters, his life did a complete U-turn.
Just two months later, he scored himself a book deal, and ever since, the road ahead couldn't be clearer.
"That's why I love driving, you just pick up people and get lost in their world," he told news.com.au.
Yet it turns out Mr Phillips isn't the only one doing the picking up. And sadly, Sydneysiders don't come across all that well.
The small penis conversation came about when a "drunken Medusa" slumped into Phillips' back seat during his debut drive, when a woman identified as Holly solemnly sat down.
"This f*cking jerk just got up and left me at the pub. He didn't even say anything! Just got up and left," Phillips recalls in a blog post.
"I started reaching for a few cliches to try and make her feel a little better. 'It's OK, there are plenty of other nice guys out there. You will be fine!'"
But she wasn't fine.
"SO IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT YOU'RE UGLY AND HAVE A SMALL D**K, YOU'LL STILL HAVE WOMEN THROWING THEMSELVES AT YOU! WON'T YOU!" Holly exclaimed.
"I couldn't believe what was happening.
I love driving, you just pick up people and get lost in their world
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"It's always at one or two in the morning when people hit on you. It's not a flattering thing when all you can smell is sambuca or jagermeister," he told news.com.au.
"They're never sober though, and it's always the people who have been drinking for six or seven hours, it's not the most flattering."
But it's not all about sordid sexscapades or devastated divas. Along with rowdy passengers, he's met a few nervous Romeo's along the way, counting himself as a relationship expert thanks to his new-found environment.
"I often get asked for relationship advice," said Mr Phillips.
"They don't feel they can talk through these things with anyone else, like their spouse.
I had a Scottish guy a few weeks ago, he was so nervous about going on a first date, asking things like what he should order.
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They get into my car and it's like a confession box where they can ask me anything.
"Guys think we can talk about girls and pick my brain, asking for advice, whereas girls ask for the male perspective.
He says guys are "100 per cent the most confused" when it comes to dating.
"I'll take guys to a first date and they're nervous and projecting that nervous energy on me. "They're posing these questions they would never ask a friend. I'm somebody they're never going to see again, an anonymous stranger who won't pass any judgment.
"Guys are overthinkers, they're trying to be cool, putting on a bit of bravado, they want feedback. Girls talk more freely, whereas guys don't.
"I had a Scottish guy a few weeks ago, he was so nervous about going on a first date, asking things like what he should order.
"I usually just run off a few cliches, like have fun and be yourself, it's not as big as you think it is, chill out, it's a date, it's all good."
"You're influenced by your environment, so you listen and learn."
Diary of an Uber Driver is out now through Harper Collins.