Is it possible to have it all? Or by prioritising in one area do we trade off in others?
Juggling expectations can be overwhelming.
This might be exacerbated when expectations are conflicting or unobtainable.
For example, Māori values such as whakapapa, manaakitanga, and kaitiakitanga might conflict with mainstream expectations for personal achievement, independence, and self-reliance.
We are not all equally facilitated to succeed, and there are many factors that affect our opportunities and ability to succeed.
Identified vulnerable and disadvantaged people face greater challenges because of factors such as poverty, social exclusion, discrimination and violence compared to the general population.
Comparing ourselves to others can foster feelings of frustration, inadequacy and low self-worth.
Even when we are advantaged, not meeting expectations can result in feelings of guilt, shame or embarrassment.
Fear of failure significantly hinders our personal growth. It prevents us from taking necessary risks, exploring opportunities, and pursuing our dreams.
It leads to missed opportunities for growth and development, negative self-talk, self-doubt, and decreased confidence.
We might strive for unrealistic perfection, leading to burnout and anxiety.
Or we might mask our shame and insecurities by acting out, checking out, or deflecting and blame-shifting.
Pursuing success always comes at a cost.
What that cost looks like depends on our individual priorities and values.
Stress, anxiety, and burnout can negatively impact wellbeing.
Prioritising individual success over relationships can strain connections with others.
Compromising values or ethics to achieve success can lead to internal conflict, particularly if pursuing success requires financial investment or debt.
Focusing on one area of success might mean sacrificing opportunities in other areas.
For example, success might come at the expense of social or environmental responsibility.
Everyone reading this will identify with some aspect of what I have said.
It is this capacity for introspection, self-reflection, and awareness of our thoughts, feelings, and experiences that is the very essence of being human.
We must remember no one is perfect and no one gets it right all the time.
When we make it safe to make mistakes, we make it safe to try and keep trying.
We build resilience, develop coping strategies, and learn to bounce back from setbacks.
As human beings, we all have the capacity for personal growth, learning, and self-improvement throughout our lives.
Across families, communities, cultures and continents, we all share a desire for connection.
We form relationships with others and come together to build communities.
Life feels less overwhelming when we support each other, set realistic expectations, break down goals into achievable steps, and focus on progress, learning, and improvement.
Prioritising wellbeing and finding balance can help mitigate expectations and pressures to succeed.
We can engage in activities that promote relaxation and stress reduction, reach out for support, adjust our personal expectations, and embrace imperfection.
Community-led approaches to social issues recognise we all face challenges and measuring success is subjective, depending on individual circumstances.
It is based on our own self-assessment and self-reflection, feedback from others, and personal growth and development.
Success can be measured in quantitative ways such as income, savings, investments, promotions, job titles, degrees, certificates and achievements.
Success can also be measured in qualitative ways such as personal fulfilment and happiness, relationships and social connections, contribution to community or society and sense of purpose and meaning.
As community organisations, we must measure our success and demonstrate measurable outcomes for funding.
Success can be measured in quantitative ways such as number of contacts with people, grants and donations received, and quantity of services provided.
Success can also be measured in qualitative ways including stories and case studies, testimonials, stakeholder engagement, programme evaluation and progress towards goals.
There is a growing acknowledgment of the importance of prioritising outcomes over outputs in efforts to make tangible improvements in people’s lives.
Community-led approaches focus on creating a safe space and making meaningful positive impacts by strengthening people, families and communities.
The successful community-led initiatives of today, are the policy of tomorrow.
There are still people in our community who fall through the cracks in current service provision.
People who, for whatever reason (mental health, trauma, crisis, overwhelm, cumulation of disadvantage, discrimination and inadequate support) don’t, or can’t, meet expectations.
I have chosen to have a louder voice to advocate for understanding and empathy by writing this column.
Having a local newspaper such as the Chronicle is a huge asset to our community in facilitating community connection, promoting local businesses and successes, and providing a national platform for local voices such as mine.
But we don’t have to write columns to use our voices.
We can use them every day, by living our values in actions as well as words to build an inclusive community that benefits us all.
