Whanganui's Mana Man taking action to break intergenerational trauma of men

Kathleen Parnell (back) from Stone Soup, Lorraine Seenagh from VIN co-ordinator and Mananga Williams founder of Mana Man. Photo / Bevan Conley

Whanganui community initiative Mana Man is attempting to break the intergenerational trauma hurting some men. Reporter Emma Bernard spoke to the group's founder and others in the community trying to help those men change for the better.

Launched in 2020, Mana Man is an initiative focused on changing the attitudes and behaviours of men through weekly Facebook live discussion videos and in-person closed sessions.

Mana Man founder Mahanga Williams said the movement was about healing families and communities.

"When you get men in a circle who have walked in your shoes, you can't bull**** each other."

He said it wasn't always the same as going to see counsellors.

"With a counsellor, they can't say 'bro, you've got to pull your f*****g head in'.

"These men don't trust the system, so you've got to build trusting relationships with them to break the intergenerational trauma."

Williams said Mana Man started two years ago when a friend asked him to speak to boys about mana at an alternative education programme for kids who had fallen out of secondary school.

"When I asked them what they thought mana was, they said it was about controlling their girlfriends or having many girlfriends."

He said he laughed because that's what he thought mana was when he was young.

"I thought mana was about how much piss you could drink, showing your girlfriends you could scrap and who's the man, or how fast you could drive - but it's not.

"So we talked about how mana is about opening up, consent and respect. I broke it all down for them."

Williams said after three months one of the boys - who happened to be the son of one of Williams' cousins - said Mana Man had changed him.

"I said I haven't changed you, you chose to listen."

Tragically the boy was killed two weeks after that in an accident, but before his death he had asked Williams to share his feedback about the programme on social media.

As part of the online platform, Williams and a panel of men discuss different issues and ways to change.

Three Whanganui events last week were held for She's Not Your Rehab founders Matt and Sarah Brown.

He said he picked who spoke on the Facebook live video panels carefully.

"They've all had very colourful backgrounds, and they've transitioned and made themselves vulnerable.

"When people see that these men can change, it shows them so can they."

He said between 5 and 30 people would show up to the weekly events at Te Ao Hau marae.

Williams said Mana Man recently received $30,000 in seed funding from the Ministry of Social Development.

He said the funding would go towards designing a mentorship programme to "coach men to mentor men to be better men."

"We will also start two more weekly Mana Man events from November, one at Te Waipuna church at 10am then 1pm at Hakeke."

He said Mana Man was also in the process of launching a sisters woman support group, expected to launch in December.

Last week Mana Man hosted an event in collaboration with She's Not Your Rehab founders and authors Matt and Sarah Brown, facilitated by Violence Intervention Network (VIN).

She's Not Your Rehab is a movement and a book founded in 2018 helping men acknowledge childhood trauma and take responsibility for their healing to prevent hurting others and themselves.

VIN Whanganui coordinator Lorraine Sheenagh said bringing Matt and Sarah Brown to Whanganui was something she had wanted to do for a while.

"These events were just a beginning point," Sheenagh said.

"Matt's story of growing up in an abusive home is not uncommon, but he chose a different path to build a better life for his family."

Then for other men to come in and be in a space where they can be vulnerable.

VIN brought the couple up from Christchurch and helped facilitate three events- a closed event with Mana Man at Te Ao Hou Marae, an open event at Hakeke Street Community Centre and a closed event at Te Ora Hou.

She said it was about bringing those places together to dive deeper into what's already working in communities.

"These community groups are already working, and they're growing and thriving.

Matt Brown author and co-founder of She's Not Your Rehab, cutting hair to fundraise for Mana Man.

"It's hard to raise the topic of domestic violence, and Whanganui sits really high in terms of domestic violence rates."

She said prevention was about getting out into the community.

"Neighbourhoods, marae, sports places, councils, schools and whānau are all points of connection, intervention and disruption in terms of violence.

"We are all part of that."

VIN approached Whanganui community group Stone Soup to help host the She's Not Your Rehab events.

Stone Soup started in 2007 to create a safer, more connected, locally led community between Gonville and Castlecliff.

One of the group's leaders Kathleen Parnell said it was a huge opportunity to bring Matt and Sarah Brown to Whanganui.

"It helps share the movement that men who have had trauma in their youth can learn to communicate.

"Then if they were inspired, they can reach out and connect with groups like Mana Man.

"The events were about creating safe spaces to have conversations about making changes in our families."

She said as part of the events, Matt Brown, who is a barber by trade, shaved the heads of two of Stone Soup's facilitators as a fundraiser.

Parnell said they raised a total of $1200 which they would donate to Mana Man.

"It's all about taking someone to the door to get the help they require.

"Saying you need help isn't as hard, but actually taking that first step through the door and towards change is scary."

She said Stone Soup worked with other community organisations such as Jigsaw, VIN, Age Concern, Iwi and Kai Hub.