Truth is, even stress is relative

The UN is predicting that three million people will be displaced in Syria by the current conflict by the end of 2013.

So, turns out that thing they say about selling a house and shifting being one of life's biggest stresses is true, for me at least.

The introduction of the new rules around mortgage lending means we've had a few extra hurdles to jump through in terms of borrowing for our new place in Taranaki. Plus keeping the house clean and tidy for viewing with my two delightful destructorcons, as we affectionately call them, is a frustrating exercise in futility.

But it's far too easy to lose perspective. I'm reminded of that saying "first world problems" although I think that's probably more apt for problems like "my internet speed is too slow" (although not in Whanganui with our second year running as one of the world's 21 Smartest Communities) or "capsicums are so expensive" (because they're out of season and imported).

I really am grateful for my beautiful boys, even when they're messy and put handprints on my just-cleaned windows before an open home, and I'm also grateful that my husband and I are able to afford a wonderful house in Oakura, walking distance to the beach - well if all the paperwork goes through!

I've written before about inequality in New Zealand and it's sad that the distance between the haves and the have-nots is growing, both in terms of income and in terms of empathy.

Sometimes I think we belittle people in New Zealand who are going through very real challenges - we hear criticisms that people on low incomes or on benefits are not living in true poverty simply because there are people worse off in the world, and unfortunately there are plenty of those. Check out your place in the world via www.globalrichlist.com

In Syria the UN is predicting that three million people will be displaced by the current conflict by the end of 2013 - overflowing into neighbouring countries as refugees - losing everything you can't carry and fearing for your life is a bit more stressful than shifting, even with new lending rules.

In New Zealand the campaign to double our refugee quota has some embarrassing facts - our quota has not changed since 1987. We are not doing our bit to help those in desperate need. We may be critical of Australia's knee-jerk boat-people policies, but overall they are taking more refugees per capita than we are. Check out www.doingourbit.co.nz for more info.

Back in NZ I get irritated when those NZ critics talk of people wasting their low incomes and not budgeting properly, because I'm sure many of them have forgotten what it's like to survive on a truly tight income - if they have ever experienced it at all. While I'm not enjoying chasing paperwork, organising valuations and insurance, plus getting our car fixed, I know that I can still afford to feed my children and pay the power bill, even with these unexpected costs.

Unfortunately there are some among us who will not be looking forward to Christmas because of the extra costs.

Instead of being harsh on those who are struggling, we can do a bit to help, like donating canned food at this week's food bank drive or creating a shoebox Christmas parcel of treasures for a child or simply shopping locally. Don't waste your petrol driving to Palmerston North - instead invest locally to support our community.

And to finish with something from an inspirational young leader, Malala Yousafzai, the girl shot in the head by the Taleban on a school bus in Pakistan. After missing out on this year's Nobel Peace Prize, she wrote on Twitter this month, "Winning Nobel prize was not aim of my life. I want that every girl in world must be educated & spread peace in whole world."

Yep, a bit of perspective always helps.

Nicola Young is a former Department of Conservation manager who now works for global consultancy AECOM. Educated at Wanganui Girls' College, she has a science degree and is the mother of two boys.