Time for indoor winter tactics

WELL, it feels like winter is well and truly knocking at the door this week.

Days are a bit too cold to spend time outside and there's that feeling that we are all going to be cooped up inside, tripping over one another a lot in the next few months.

What happens in your household when the children aren't able to go outside and let off steam? When our children were young a bit of negotiation was needed when we were all inside and space was limited.

Children aren't always going to get along and sorting out dramas can be tiring when we are inside more over the winter.

Remember feelings of jealousy, rivalry and resentment are normal.

As parents we can help children learn to handle these feelings.

All brothers and sisters fight, some more than others. Just as with any behaviour, there do need to be limits and boundaries to prevent things getting out of control. Fights usually happen when children are tired, hungry or bored, when they want attention or when they think someone is trying to move in on their possessions.

Younger children don't have the skills to solve these problems and may lash out.

Children need to learn how to work things out with other people. Parents can help by encouraging communication and problem solving.

If they are bickering give them space to sort it out.

Some things you could try:

-If your children are squabbling go to another room, giving them space to sort it out. If things settle down without you, tell them they did well. Give them some attention.

-Think about whether they are bored, tired or hungry. Give them something else to do.

-Try to give your children individual attention so they don't feel they have to compete with each other. Be even with your positive comments.

-Sort out some toys that are special to each child and they don't have to share. It's fine for an older child to have a special toy that he or she doesn't want someone younger to break.

-Encourage some creative solutions. If they're fighting over crayons suggest they choose three each, rather than try to find out who caused the fight.

-Don't investigate who started it. Ask them if they can think of a way of solving the problem.

-Separate without punishment - for example, suggest that one plays in one room while the other helps you do something else.

-Don't compare your children, or praise one over the other, but try to make each one feel special and unique.

-Instead of saying "share", say whose turn it is.

Thoughts from other parents:

"I spend a lot of time sorting out fights between my boys. I give them separate play areas a lot. I try to give my older boy a toy he can play with, rather than just shoving him away."

"I think we need to see anger as natural - it's how parents deal with it."

"How you are with them is how they are to you and each other."

-Skip and other local organisations offer free parenting courses and seminars that provide tips and strategies to help parents manage their children's behaviour. If you would like to know about these, contact Lynette and Liza at Skip Whanganui, ph/text 027 626 1404 or email skipwangaui@xtra.co.nz