Terry Sarten: 'Wimmin' want equal pay but aren't even winning on kitchen front

Ready to Roll: A bunch of wimmin take the fight for equality on the road.

Wimmin - what do they know?

They can have babies - yes. They say they can do anything - but we, the Misogynists Exclusive Network (MEN) know different.

They say they want equal pay for equal work ... but do they do equal work? Where do they fit in this so-called equal work? They are so busy with the housework, minding small children and tending to the needs of the MEN that they cannot possibly pretend they are working as hard as us as we slave away in our jobs.

If you do give them a job, they then go and get pregnant with no consideration for what this means to the workplace. Anyone would think that having got the vote on September 19, 1893, they would appreciate being given the ability to participate in elections and this would be more than enough. But no - now they are clamouring for equal pay. They can and have elected wimmin to Parliament and some have even taken important roles in government and corporations. Surely it is a sign of equality that we have had female prime ministers?

They say that a man and woman doing the same job should get the same pay. What a ridiculous idea. That would be like suggesting that wimmin are the same as us which - thank goodness - they are not.

Wimmin are feminine, caring and their brains turn to mush after they have a baby and then there's all the hormonal stuff with mad chemicals running amok in their bodies causing them to jam the photocopier at the office and then burst into tears when we make jokes about it.

They complain about being sexually harassed at work. I mean talk about equality - they could sexually harass us and we would not complain would we? If they want to dress provocatively, what can they expect?

If I came to work with my shirt undone to the navel with a bunch of medallions dangling on my chest, they would probably just ignore me and that would be OK. I wouldn't complain - even on casual Friday.

They say there is a 12 per cent pay difference across the gender gap. I have heard wimmin talk about working 12 per cent less of the year as a way to redress this balance but, of course, if they did that who would pick up the slack - us MEN, that's who.

We already have enough to do what with working our way up the career ladder toward senior roles and maintaining our sense of superiority. That requires commitment and networking. Wimmin do not have the balls for that kinda stuff and then complain when they don't get the corner office. Sure this all requires some rough and tumble and looking after Number One and if wimmin don't like that then that's tough.

Now I am not suggesting that wimmin should get back in the kitchen - most of the celebrity chefs are male so they are not winning on that front anyway.

Instead, they should focus on buying stuff that makes them beautiful, aspire to marrying wealth and having beautiful children and not trouble their fluffy little heads with notions of directorships at major corporations or standing in local body elections.

Wimmin say it is all about power when actually it is because they have a diddle (they insist on calling it a vagina, but it is a diddle) whereas us MEN have more important appendages and they are just jealous.

-Terry Sarten is a writer, musician, social worker and satirist - feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz