Terry Sarten: New Zealand a haven where truth cannot be found

STAIRWAY TO COURT: Led Zeppelin's classic riff is the subject of a lawsuit.

NEW ZEALAND may or may not be a tax haven but we are most definitely a Facts Haven.

People in powerful and influential positions are using us as a place to hide Facts from closer scrutiny.

Extremely wealthy people hide their money in New Zealand-based trusts. The fact Prime Minister John Key says that - as a matter of fact - this does not make us a tax haven, so no worries, is one way of concealing Facts where they cannot be audited for actual factual validity.

We should be able to place some trust in Facts.

It seems to be a Fact that we have flown sheep cattle class to a sheik and they have died in the desert but this apparent misuse of taxpayer's money has been hidden away where the truth cannot be found.

That we have racial discrimination and anti-immigration talk from MPs is further evidence of elaborate Facts Havens that allow them hide whatever does not fit their argument.

We have parliamentarians who bicker like little children then head off to the international playgrounds together as best mates on a junket at our expense. The Facts remain disguised among blather about international relations because they do know they could simply catch up with their political counterparts on Skype.

As a nation we like to stash any facts out of sight that might not suit the image of New Zealand as a land of opportunity. The Fact that there are children growing up with violence and no viable future prospects should be on the national agenda but because we are a Facts Haven it is easier for the Government to pretend this is not something they can do anything about.

The melody-go-roundOn another note, or rather a descending sequence of notes, members of Led Zeppelin will be in court soon to defend allegations of nicking bits of other people's songs.

The opening riff to Stairway to Heaven - the cursed chords that drive guitar shop staff insane - are to be tested for authenticity of authorship with mucho money at stake for all concerned. It will be an entertaining spectacle as legal minds attempt to unravel which notes belong to whom.

Many years ago I wrote a song called Miss Mercenary. I used to perform it often and I thought it was original in its structure and melody.

Then the master - Bob the Dylan - came out with a song called Make You Feel My Love. He nicked my tune. Different lyrics and the bridge section is not the same but otherwise they are virtually identical.

I was a bit miffed - and sort of pleased. I decided to change the tempo and drums on the recorded version of mine so they wouldn't be quite so similar.

I figured Dylan was not going to be changing his song because some dude in Whanganui NZ might demand a cut, so I decided to let him have his moment of glory. Besides, who would believe Dylan stole a large chunk of my composition?

The Led Zeppelin versus Spirit stoush over the riff that announces you are about to either climb a stairway to heaven or be charmed by Taurus will be played out by lawyers and fans the world over.

It just goes to show there are only so many tunes on the melody-go-round and when the music stops it depends on who is holding the hits. It is a timely reminder that the jingling of money is often the most important sound that many in the music business want to hear.

-Terry Sarten is a writer, musician and satirista (a satirist powered by coffee) - tgs@inspire.net.nz.