Taking the pith on witty sayings

When we hear a sharp line or a play on words we generally want to write it down so that we can remember it and maybe even use it at the appropriate time.
But, as ever, when we want to recall or retell that line it is sometimes hard to retrieve it from that grey cell area that we have hidden it in.

Here is a list of insults, retorts or sayings that may bring a chuckle or a cringe to the reader — some are borrowed, some are remembered but rest assured, none whatsoever are this writer's!

'I like your opera. I think I will set it to music.' [Beethoven on another composer's work.]

'All morons hate it when you call them a moron.' [JD Salinger in Catcher in the Rye.]

'How could they tell?' [Dorothy Parker on the death of Calvin Coolidge.]

'His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.' [Mae West commenting on a man she knew.]

'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.' [Billy Wilder listening to an actor sing.]

'It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.' [Dolly Parton commenting on herself.]

'Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a Member of Congress, but I repeat myself.' [Mark Twain on the members of Capitol Hill.]

'I think it would be a good idea.' [Mahatma Ghandi when asked his thoughts on Western civilisation.]

'He had delusions of adequacy.' [Walter Kerr commenting on a person he knew.]

'He had all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.' [Winston Churchill.]

'I have never killed a man but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.' [Clarence Darrow.]

'He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.' [William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway.]

'Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.' [Moses Hadas.]

A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: 'Sir. You will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.'

'That depends, Sir,' replied Disraeli, 'whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.'

'I didn't attend the funeral but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it,' [Mark Twain.]

'He has no enemies but is extremely disliked by his friends.' [Oscar Wilde.]

'I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend if you have one,' wrote George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill, who replied; 'Cannot possibly attend first night but will attend second — if there is one!'

'I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.' [Stephen Bishop.]

'He is a self-made man and worships his creator.' [John Bright.]

'I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.' [Irvin S. Cobb.]

'He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.' [Samuel Johnson.]

'He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.' [Paul Keating.]

'In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.' [Charles, Count Talleyrand.]

'He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.' [Forrest Tucker.]

'Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without an address on it?' [Mark Twain.]

'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.' [Oscar Wilde.]

'I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but I'm afraid this wasn't it.' [Groucho Marx.]

Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde were well known for their witty comebacks and pithy sayings. PICTURES / GETTY IMAGES

Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde were well known for their witty comebacks and pithy sayings. PICTURES / GETTY IMAGES

And these are just a few and no doubt every reader will have some they could add to the list. All in fun and some may bring a chuckle.