Stephanie Worsop: Living a life of contradictions

I am a walking contradiction; social but introverted, feminine but masculine. Photo / Getty Images

OPINION

I've long considered myself to be a walking contradiction.

From situation to situation I can be confident or self-doubting, social or introverted, feminine or masculine.

Sometimes it depends on who I'm around, but a lot of the time it depends on what kind of mood I'm in.

I once hauled solid wooden furniture up a flight of stairs - while blaring Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves - just to prove wrong the person who said it would be too heavy for a 19-year-old girl.

But when my car broke down a couple weeks ago, instead of calling a tow and organising for a mechanic to look at it, I called my husband who left work to sort it out for me.

I've worked hard to develop my career and care deeply about what I do for a living but if my husband got a job that meant I didn't have to work, I'd become a stay-at-home mum in a heartbeat.

I will happily let daddy long-legs make their homes in my bathroom but the minute I see a whitetail crawl out from a dark crevice, I'll waste half a can of Raid making sure it doesn't take a step further.

All these contradictions I can live with, or at least justify - daddy long-legs won't hurt me but whitetails will bite, I love my career but I love my baby more, I don't like men telling me what I can and can't do but if it's easier for my husband to deal with something, I'll leave it with him.

But what I do find hard - and I'm praying others are in the same boat so I don't feel so terrible - is reconciling my inner contradictions involving conservation.

Climate change is real, the way humans treat this planet is horrible and everyone should be trying to do better.

My husband and I, in our infinite idealism, are always looking at ways we can improve our own behaviour.

That's why we plant bee-friendly shrubs in our garden, make our own spray and wipe and use shampoo bars and stainless-steel safety razors.

But here's the thing - the changes we have made haven't been all that inconvenient.

What would be inconvenient (but arguably more helpful to the environment) is if we stopped running two cars, eating meat, buying any groceries wrapped in plastic, using disposable nappies for our son and buying fast fashion.

Every now and again we talk about becoming vegetarians but it never eventuates because who could give up lamb roasts and bacon and eggs?

And we did talk about putting our son in cloth nappies but when we found out most disposable nappies these days are compostable, we figured no harm, no foul, right?

We even considered going down to one car when we were upgrading our Swift.

But having recently gone a week and a half without a car while it was at the mechanics, I can tell you the inconvenience of two shift workers and a child in daycare trying to share one car, far outstrips its benefits.

Nevertheless, because I live in a constant state of contradiction, there are days where all I want to do is pack up, move off the grid and live off the land.

We could ditch the televisions, social media and our cellphones, reverting to a simpler, more unplugged period of time.

It would be bliss. There would be no distractions, just nature and family. Heaven on Earth.

Then again, the new season of His Dark Materials has just come out and Assassin's Creed: Valhalla is proving to be a great game.