SKIP Whanganui: Teach kids respect through your actions

PARENTING is so complex! The other day in a local store I watched an inquisitive toddler pick up some hooks from beside the counter while waiting with Mum. The mum kindly told her toddler that "we don't touch, just look". In less than 30 seconds the Mum had gone to the next shelf and picked up an item, all while the toddler looked on.

How often do we expect certain behaviours from our children, yet fail to see that we can undo the learning by our own failure to follow the same rules?

This got me thinking about how our behaviours influence our children's learning, be it consciously or unconsciously.

We know from child development research and experience that children are born without social knowledge or social skills, and they eagerly look for someone to imitate. That "someone" is usually one or both parents.

Parents are a child's first teachers and role models. And usually children are more affected by what their parents do than by what their parents say. They learn how to behave by seeing how their mothers and fathers behave and by following their example.

Using positive and considerate social skills is a great way to model positive behaviour and boost a child's self-confidence. A child learns good manners more easily when "please" and "thank you" are a part of daily life. This includes showing respect for others in all situations, at home, at the park, in shops, even on the phone. Parents who regularly put other people down are teaching their children that other people are not important. If you want your child to respect others, then model respect. Encourage all family members to treat each other with respect.

Being consistent in teaching and setting examples is very important. If you tell your child that he must not hit people and then give him a smack as punishment for his misbehaviour, your child will become confused by the mixed signals.

Parents aren't perfect. We lose our tempers, say things we are sorry for and are not always as kind as we would like to be.

We are human. It is important to admit our mistakes, say we're sorry, and show that we try to make things right. Being a positive role model for your children is one of the most important and rewarding things you can do for your child.

A quote from Dame Whina Cooper has been shared with me a few times lately and sums up the power of what we can be for our children: "Take care of our children. Take care of what they hear. Take care of what they see. Take care of what they feel. For how the children grow, so will be the shape of Aotearoa."

If you are finding being positive hard some days, surround yourself with positive family and friends; parenting is easiest when the journey is shared with others. Make time to do fun things together.

For more positive parenting tips, free booklets and information, contact Liza and Lynette at SKIP Whanganui, skipwhanganui@xtra.co.nz or text/phone 027 626 1404. Check out the Free SKIP Tips phone app.