EACH child has their own temperament that influences the way they behave.
Different children's personalities need a different approach.
Some are born easy to settle and placid, while others are wakeful and active. Some are regular in their habits from early on and others have irregular sleeping and toileting habits that make it harder to work out their needs. These traits start to show themselves in the first few weeks of life and are linked to particular temperament types.
Temperaments are inborn and are not the result of parent or adult care-giving styles.
There are three basic types of temperament - some children are a combination of more than one.
Easy or flexible:
As babies, children with an easy temperament are easy to look after. They are calm, happy, have regular sleeping and eating habits, and are not easily upset.
As they get older, these children need to talk things through as they may not demand or ask for things, or talk about their feelings. You may also need to keep an eye on things from a distance, checking that they know you are there if you need them.
Active:
Active and feisty children are often fussy, with irregular sleeping and eating habits. They can be scared of new people and places, easily upset by noise and react really strongly to things. These children need lots of exercise and to be told about any change well in advance.
Cautious:
These children tend to be shy in new situations, although they do get more positive as they get used to things. It's important to stick to routines and give them lots of time to get used to new situations and people.
Understanding your child's temperament will help you:
-Explain why your child might be behaving in a certain way.
-Anticipate how your child will react to a particular event or situation.
-Communicate with your child.
-Know which approach to discipline will be effective.
-Create a positive relationship with your child.
If you don't understand your child's temperament, you might be criticising them for behaviour that is related to their temperament. This could lead to major clashes and to your child developing more extreme behaviour. You could also start blaming yourself for your child's behaviour, rather than understanding it is simply how they are.
The better the fit between your child's temperament and your parenting style, the better the results will be. Your own parenting will also influence your parenting.
Different temperaments can be very clear if you have more than one child. Often the parenting style that works for one child will not work with another, and you will have to use completely different techniques.
One child may need more structure and boundaries while another may prefer making their own decisions.
Finding a way that suits your child's temperament will help you find a way to discipline your child that is effective. It will help you decide which issues you need to be clear and firm about and which ones you can ignore.
- For more information about parenting resources or to find out about upcoming free parenting events, contact Lynette Archer, SKIP co-ordinator 345 3008 or skipwanganui@xtra.co.nz