While the cost of entering Spriggens Park on Saturday afternoons doesn't break the bank, you would not have blamed spectators for asking for their gold coins back after Black Bull Liquor Pirates held off Dave Hoskin Carriers Marist 27-17 in a flat third round of Tasman Tanning Premier.
It was mind-numbing viewing in the second half between the neighbours, as Pirates played the majority of it with 14 men after a string of four yellow cards for professional fouls from referee Kawana Tihema, while Marist also had a player sent to the bin in the match.
The symphony of the whistle frustrated both sides and turned the match into a stop-start affair, although it ultimately favoured the undermanned Pirates as their big ball-running Samoans conserved some energy and remained dangerous in short bursts.
Young outside backs like the tryscorers Elijah Ah Chong, whose double hurt his old club, and Junior Ainea need only a half gap or a good pass to do damage at any point of a game.
Even Pirates props like Raymond Salu and Framanu Pulemagafa have an extra toe of pace, as they showed on both sides of the halftime in the most entertaining period of play with some strong runs, as Marist fell off their tackles.
But in between times, the constant whistle blowing took both sides out of the match, while Marist will ultimately rue their poor handling, some sloppy lineouts and lack of execution on attack.
The midway period of the second half became an embarrassing jack-in-the-box action as Pirates were trapped in their own 22m through constantly missing the touchline on kicks, but Marist would soon cough up possession at the breakdown or the chokepoint in the halves, all while Tihema's whistle blew constantly.
Most decisions were fair – the immediate sinbinning of Salu for not having his mouthguard is a now established rule – but there were some head scratchers as well, with both teams coaching staff having a contention with not receiving warnings or verbal guidance during live play, instead of everything just being an instant advantage call or penalty.
"Communication [is needed] at the breakdown, we see that in Super Rugby all the time," said Pirates coach Phillip Morris.
"It's such a shame, we had two games with no yellow cards, and then that happens.
"I was proud of their character and the way they stuck in.
"We just need to be patient when we get the ball – main goal."
Marist coach Jerome McCrea told his squad to just write that 80 minutes off and come to training on Tuesday with a clean slate.
"Too many missed tackles and poor execution, just not good enough today.
"Those [Pirates] boys, when they get in behind you, they hurt you. We talked about that all week."
Marist opted to start representative prop Viki Tofa on the bench to give their other props an opportunity, and Tihema was right on them from the outset for lifting the scrum up.
Pirates took advantage as Ah Chong trailed his captain Lasa Ulukuta holding the ball out in one hand and took the inside pass to scoot over by the posts.
Marist replied after Pirates were untidy in their half with missing the kickoff and then losing the ball from the lineout, with fullback Cameron Crowley probing round the defence.
Big No8 Taione Ratu, who could match Pirates physicality, went close to scoring, then halfback Sean Cummins couldn't find a runner but backed himself to go low and score.
A big Salu run brought Pirates back onto attack and receiving a penalty at the ruck, for Ainea to take them back to the lead, as at this point Pirates were receiving a highly favourable penalty count.
But it didn't last as Marist used the whistle to work back down field and went close to scoring a couple of times, only to lose possession or try attacking kicks which Ainea handled.
Ulukuta eventually broke free with a big charge up the centre, finding first-five Fa'alele Iosua, whose chip kick back to far corner found big Pulemagafa of all people steaming after it to get the bounce and score.
Pirates extended their advantage after the break as Salu charged into a gap and offloaded nicely for Ah Chong, who dragged the last defender over the line for 20-7.
But that was the end of the spectacle, as the next 20 minutes saw a Pirates forwards coming and going from under the posts at Tihema's behest, while Marist were annoyed Tofa took penalty tap back five metres from the tryline but was denied the five-points when he burrowed over.
His team still scored promptly afterwards when Ratu took another tap and got low to close the gap to 20-12.
Marist them camped in Pirates half, and despite dropped ball and Pirates infringement of their mauls, they finally got over again as Ratu was stopped short running off a 5m scrum, and Madams was there to be pushed over in the next movement for 20-17 with 13 minutes left.
But give Pirates an inch and they'll take a mile, as Marist's midfielder defenders went to sleep again and Iosua broke through and then threw the over-the-top pass to Ainea, who dashed in at the corner for the bonus point try.
Iosua raised the flags from the sideline to take his team to a safe margin, with the final ten minutes providing little to write home about.
Pirates 27 (E Ah Chong 2, F Pulemagafa, J Ainea tries; Ainea pen, con, F Iosua con) bt Marist 17 (S Cummins, T Ratu, S Madams tries; S Monaghan con). HT: 15-7.
He lost an arm and a leg in a crash that killed three friends.