I want to tell all the recent young commentators, journalists and economists included, informed or otherwise, how much this old boomer enjoys his retirement. I also want to thank you for continuing to support my pension by working and paying taxes, just like I did for my parents and grandparents.
As I stir in the morning to the sound of all my young neighbours in our quiet street driving down the road to work or to drop the wee ones off to school, I roll over, doze off with the promise to myself that I must get up at 9am as there are things to do.
I will arise about 9am, put the teeth in after giving them a good clean, take all the meds I now have to take for the sins of my youth plus some that are simply the result of being cheeky enough to be still alive.
Brekky consists of something healthy together with a long discussion with my darling about the news of the day. I then get on the computer and catch up with what is happening in my various little worlds that I live in, Facebook and Stuff. I then check all my bank accounts to make sure we have not been scammed overnight as we are always having people with strange accents ringing us offering to fix our computer over the phone, they just need our bank account or credit card numbers. We also discuss what charities are due attention from us; we contribute to several worthy causes.
As the main chef of the house I will then decide what blue plate special we will be having that evening and then which wine is appropriate. I will check our recycling bins in case I need to visit our wonderful resource recovery centre to dispose of various bottles and plastic packaging accumulated during the week.
I enjoy my visits to the recycling centre as I usually catch up with old friends dropping various green and brown bottles off and the staff are lovely. We usually talk about our investments, latest international travel plans, the cost of travel insurance and our health or lack of.
Some days I also go to gym and work out with some other old farts on various machines. I do not like to exercise too often as I could wear my body out.
At some stage later in the day I will check my local paper. I have got in the habit of writing letters and articles for various outlets, putting them all right about how the world should be, offering my lifetime of wisdom and experience to all and sundry. I like to check that the editor has not been too unkind. I will also knock out all the puzzles, good for an hour or so of quiet time, and then check the death notices to make sure my name is not there.
Most days the bride will remind me, in a loving and caring way, of various chores that need to be done. I will prioritise these which usually means I put them off until tomorrow.
Later in the day I will be turning to my favourite pastime of the day - cooking dinner. I serve herself a rosé and have a wee white or several while cooking dinner, depending on how complex the exercise is that night. After dinner I like to watch a suitably violent show or two; no sex scenes though, bit over that nowadays. I then retire quite late, 9.30-ish, to prepare for another exhausting day of retirement tomorrow.
This all sounds very self-indulgent and, yes, it is. You know why? I spent 47 years in full-time paid work without a day of unemployment, something I am eternally grateful for.
We struggled with first mortgages of 21 per cent after years of wage and mortgage freezes under that bitter old Muldoon. We drove old bombs because we could not afford decent cars, we worked secondary jobs to make something extra for the kids.
Oh, and this was after we grew up with the every-day, very real fear of atomic annihilation in the 1950s and 1960s. Measles was then common, as was mumps. TB was still around; we had to be inoculated against a polio epidemic that swept the world in the 1950s.
So when you, in your fits of angst about "rich old boomers" who are actually your parents and grandparents, slate us for ruining your world, I say thank you for working and may more of you do it. Your generation is the best educated, overall nicest and most caring generation this country has produced but some of you need to think the long game. Your time will come soon enough and I really hope you can become as self-indulgent as I am now.