Prince's prep for Wanganui visit

PRINCE HARRY is coming to Wanganui ...

The bunting is being dusted off; Union Jacks - not currently subject to a flag referendum - are being unfurled. Royalists rejoice; republicans eat dust.

I would like to think the arrival of Captain Harry Wales on May 14 is a belated response to the invitation I issued in this very column just over a year ago when I suggested that Prince William, his fragrant wife Catherine and the wee bairn George should pop over to the River City during their New Zealand tour. But maybe not ...

Either way, it is good to have the fourth in line to the throne here - a throne that, of course, represents wealth, power and privilege (and an awful mouthful of titles) earned purely by dint of birth, while also representing one of the cornerstones of the democratic tradition. What a beautiful irony.

Anyway, in best journalistic standards, we have acquired some recently hacked emails - courtesy of Wikifibs - and they appear to cast an intriguing light on next month's royal visit.

HRH Harry: "So what do we know about this place ... and is it Wanganui or Whanganui?"

Aide-de-camp Algy Carruthers: "That depends which way you're facing, Sir - we shall have to be diplomatic about that."

HRH Harry: "I've heard it's well-known for its glass art, so we need to make some time to pick up a gift for Grandma. Any chance of catching a game of rugger?"

Aide-de-camp Algy Carruthers: "Quite a thriving rugby tradition, I believe, Sir - but we may be pushed for time."

HRH Harry: "Well, I've got to nip into the local RSA for a quick beer with a few of the veterans."

Aide-de-camp Algy Carruthers: "I'm sure you would be most welcome, Sir - we are working on it."

HRH Harry: "And, of course, make sure you have the girls and the secret venue lined up for the after-gig party."

Aide-de-camp Algy Carruthers: "Sir, I think our emails are being hacked."