Phil heads off to slay National Dragon

The peasants are not revolting yet.

Phil the Goff saw that the fair maiden that is the New Zealand economy was distressed. Tied to a recession by a long trail of business failures, she was helpless and needed rescuing from the fire-breathing National Party Dragon.

Although the National Party Dragon had only its right wing to rely on, it could still flap about threatening to flog off state assets while insisting that solo mums should get a job even though the number of actual employment opportunities was rapidly disappearing.

The Dragon had ensured there was little policy-making opposition among the public serving class by cleverly getting rid of what it termed "bureaucracy". This pleased both the peasants and the overlords as they all believed there were too many of them and that doctors, police and judges would be quite happy to turn their valuable skills to being receptionists, typists and filing clerks.

The Dragon had successfully diverted attention from the social disaster being created as it swept its tail of reform through the countryside. The peasants had been told to tighten their belts. This was not to stop their pants falling down but to prevent the Government from losing its shirt by betting on a financial recovery. There was much muttering about the need to beware of Greeks bearing debts. The belt tightening, financial weight loss programme was working and the people found that although they could still reach their pockets there was no money in them. The Dragon was pleased with this. The grumbling about the recession and the price of nearly everything provided an opportunity to convince the populace that selling local assets, such as the village water supply, would bring financial reward. The people were sceptical. The Dragon thought that voters, like children could be won over with a sweetener. An all-day sucker would divert them from realising that selling the controlling interest in the village water supply may mean a new school building but leave nothing to pay teachers to work in it.

Phil the Goff, ignoring all his Dragon management lessons, donned his bright shiny, made-in-NZ galvanised iron suit of armour, mounted his trusty steed and rode out to meet the Dragon. Along the way he tilted at economic windmills, such as the retirement age, capital gains tax and finding a way to make the wealthiest 1 per cent pay their fair share of tax just like the remaining 99 per cent have to do.

The minor lords and ladies went out to the battlefield to cheer for whichever side seemed to be winning in the hope that they might be picked to share in the glory. They were close enough to see the battle while remaining far enough away to avoid making any rash promises about the outcome.

The hangers-on missed out. They did not act first and lost 5 per cent of their united future while arguing about where they would stand. Realising that the end was more nigh than usual, they had tried to find the higher ground but got lost on the way.

Phil the Goff and the National Dragon faced off across a large field littered with the broken promises and shattered dreams of other earlier campaigns. They had both tucked their parliamentary pension plans away where they would not get damaged (along with various other taxpayer funded perks) and prepared to do battle. The outcome will be known only when the dust finally settles but both are aware that it is not a question of whether the peasants are revolting but when.

Terry Sarten Lives in Whanganui. He describes himself as a political punster, writer, musician and social worker. Email: tgs@inspire.net.nz