"Each round will be called a 'flag off' until we get down to two designs, at which point armies of supporters will attempt to carry their preferred flag into various pubs around the country, the winner being the one that can return with their flag intact."
"A question: Who will be on this judging panel?"
"There will be three judges - one will be a dictator in exile with expertise in the use of flags as symbols of power. There will be a business CEO to consider the international trade implications and one whose sole task will be to tell entrants not to give up their day jobs.
"Now the finalists ... This designer has collaged a mix of images to show what makes NZ different. In the centre is a jersey cow standing in a row of tall poppies - half with their flower heads cut off - and the words 'NZ: Land of the long flat white' across the bottom.
"The next design has a play on words: Computer spell checks often transpose the words Treaty of Waitangi into the Treaty of Waiting which is what this designer has submitted to signify the bicultural nature of NZ."
"Excuse me interrupting but isn't it apparent the words are being used as satire to make a political statement?"
"We included it in the short list because referencing the treaty is one of the things that make NZ different. There was no representative from the Satirista on the sub-committee so I can't comment.
"As you can see, this flag design has a silver marijuana leaf against a black background to show the nation's favourite plant. The flag is made of hemp which is cheap and will last for years in all weathers.
"This one is also black with silver text that says '100% Pure Beer, Wine and Spirits' and the logo of a major brewery in the bottom corner. The huge advantage of this design is that it will cost taxpayers nothing. I don't think any country has gone for sponsorship of its national flag so this is a great way to show we are a free-market capitalist economy.
"This next design is very colourful and bright. Note the predominantly white background with diminishing bands of colour going across. The designer says this represents how we as a nation view ethnic diversity.
"My personal favourite is this one. It has a large map of the world with NZ down in the bottom right-hand corner and an arrow which says, 'We are here'. This will be great for tourism and encouraging expats to find their way home.
"Two late submissions have arrived ... One flag design had John Key's smiling face on it; the other the words 'The Working Man's Paradise'.
"We have decided not to accept them. The image of a current Prime Minister could be tainted by scandal or need replacing after each election and the other is overtly sexist as it does not mention women - and we all know the important role that women have played in knitting and sewing flags over the centuries."
Terry Sarten is a writer, musician and member of the Satirista. Feedback: tgs@inspire.net.nz or www.telsarten.com/
