No dancing around consent case

FURORE: Dancing With the Stars contestant Chrystal Chenery - pictured with partner Jonny Williams - was furious about a revealing photo of her posted online.

I didn't watch the latest series of Dancing With the Stars. Not because of any virtuous stance - I freely admit to watching some brainless fodder at times.

Perhaps it didn't make my viewing pleasure list because none of the celebrities drew me in. Maybe that's in part because I have such fond memories of former All Black Norm Hewitt's outstanding pasodoble - that's the one with the cape and the matador - 10 years ago that I didn't want to sully my recollections.

Whatever the reason, this week I ended up accidentally catching up on the Dancing With the Stars finale because a radio host tweeted a pic of one contestant's crotch.

Apparently he froze the TV coverage when she was doing the splits, then posted that pic online with a crude remark. And that set things off.

There has been a range of strong reactions online, including further put-downs as well as - thankfully - some insightful columns in the dancer's defence. If you want to read more, search "Chrystal Chenery" on thespinoff.co.nz.

Trying to find something positive from a clearly obnoxious action and some even more obnoxious follow-ups, it prompted me to go back to a cartoon I recently stumbled across that tried to explain what sexual consent means in everyday terms.

I was reminded of it because some of the less-than-delightful comments about this Dancing With the Stars furore included things along the lines of "it was her fault because of how she dressed" and "if it's not for sale, don't put it in the window".

The cartoon, by Alli Kirkham on everydayfeminism.com, tried to illustrate consent in everyday examples to point out how ridiculous it is to blame the targets of sexual assault or offensive behaviour.

I am about to attempt to describe these simple effective cartoons in words - yes, it won't work very well but hopefully you get the picture.

The first one has two friends together. One says: "Wanna watch Pulp Fiction?" The second replies: "Sure". Then a half-hour later, the second says: "I'm not really liking this, let's do something else." But the friend replies: "No! You said you'd watch the movie so you're staying until it's done."

The next cartoon has two friends outside a car. "Thanks for letting me borrow your car." "No problem!" is the response. Then the next week "What are you doing?" Answer: "Borrowing your car! You said I could." The next comment is predictable: "You can't take my car whenever you want it!" And the friend says "You said I could have it once, so I should be able to have it all the time."

And then a cartoon reminiscent of scenarios involving excessive alcohol, with two friends talking while drinking.

The first friend describes a tattoo he wants: "So that's the design I want, someday, right here." Next scene, his friend is tattooing him while he's unconscious. When he wakes: "You tattooed me while I was asleep! What is wrong with you?!" The answer: "You said you wanted it!" The punchline - "But I didn't want it while I was unconscious and didn't know what was happening!"

So if you find yourself thinking, "Nah, it's different" when it comes to distributing a crotch shot of a woman wearing a revealing costume, take a minute to examine why.

As @Ahhmandah tweeted: "It's like the wind lifted her skirt once then you went and yanked her skirt up for everybody to see. Chrystal's right to be angry."

Maybe a twitter spat between B-list celebrities can prompt a serious conversation about complex social taboos? Stranger things have happened, including Norm Hewitt winning Dancing With the Stars!

*Nicola Young has worked in the government and private sectors in Australia and NZ and now works from home in Taranaki for a national charitable foundation. Educated at Wanganui Girls' College, she has a science degree and is the mother of two boys.