Nicola Young: Lack of mercy sending world crazy

HAVE MERCY: After the atrocities in Paris and elsewhere we need another way to counter terrorism rather than retribution. PHOTO/CHRIS LOUFTE

WHILE I'm no international negotiator, I am regularly breaking up wars between Mr Six and Mr Four.

Mr Six has learnt the concept of "payback" at school so we have a new rule at home - no payback. After the weekend's tragic bombings in Paris, I decided to proactively talk to them about the events as it seemed inevitable they would be exposed to it.

The first question from Mr Six was 'were any children hurt?' And I didn't have the heart to tell him it's happening every day around the world - this is not a one-off in Paris.

The next thing Mr Six said was he would shoot the bombers in the face - not exactly a pacifist like his mum, at this stage anyway. So we talked about what happens with payback. And Mr Six knew the answer - more payback, then more payback, and so on and so on.

So we have to find another way. And I don't mean the French president's response of a "merciless war".

There are a number of well-informed articles out there about the rise in terrorism and suicide bombings and it's not the Islamic religion. It might be controversial but the answer is not "no religion too" (sorry John Lennon). Religion is not the problem - it's a lack of forgiveness and a lack of mercy that is sending this world crazy. Just this month, prior to Paris, the heads of the International Red Cross and United Nations wrote an open letter pleading for change. Red Cross' Peter Maurer said "Every day, we hear of civilians being killed and wounded in violation of the basic rules of international humanitarian law, and with total impunity. Instability is spreading. Suffering is growing. No country can remain untouched."

And while Paris will remain in our collective memory, due in part to its iconic profile in our memories and fantasies, as does the Twin Towers with the powerful imagery of planes crashing into buildings, 44 were killed in similar attacks in Beirut, Lebanon, just one day before the Paris blasts. We must reflect on why it appears we value the lives of our global neighbours differently in our response - or lack of response.

A more sensitive example of this need for forgiveness and the consequences of identifying people as terrorists or monsters came last week with John Key's "backing the rapists" accusations. I would like to acknowledge Whanganui MP Chester Burrows' thoughtful Facebook post helping explain Green MP Jan Logie's comment that rapists are not automatically monsters, even though rape itself is a monstrous act. Burrows said: "labels don't help much" and "justice issues require understanding".

There have always been calls for forgiveness across a range of literary sources, and I don't just mean The Bible. Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice is well known for: "The quality of mercy is not strain'd, It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven." And surprisingly, a friend shared with me a recent clip from a Doctor Who episode, The Zygon Inversion, that literally brought tears to my eyes. It included: "The only way anyone can live in peace is if they're prepared to forgive" and more powerfully, "You don't know whose children are going to scream and burn."

As a mum, my job is to teach my children to respond with kindness. If one son came to me and said the other hurt him, I would be failing if I said just hurt him back - hurt him until he stops hurting you. It doesn't work - we know it doesn't work. It doesn't stop the hurt - it creates more. Maybe we need more mums negotiating.

-Nicola Young has worked in the government and private sectors in Australia and NZ and now works from home in Taranaki for a national charitable foundation. Educated at Wanganui Girls' College, she has a science degree and is the mother of two boys.