Kristen Hamling: Feeling 'screwed up' just life

IT WASN'T meant to be like this. In my mind, 2016 was to unfold in a particular way ... in my mind I had pictured how it would all go.

The events were scheduled, goals were set and the outcomes were anticipated. I had it so clear in my head that my reality for 2016 was scripted.

But life has a funny way of knocking you down to size and showing you that you are merely mortal.

The year 2016 has assaulted me with some of the most challenging times of my entire life and, in reality, not much has gone to plan.

But not only have things not gone to plan, it feels like Quentin Tarantino and John Malkovich have got together and scripted what my 2016 is going to be like.

Events have taken place that I could not have predicted in my wildest imagination.

I believe Socrates once said: "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be."

And I am feeling a little screwed up right now.

So what then? What do you do when things don't go to plan; when your path has been so diverted that you can hardly recognise the scenery.

I think it pays to stop and remember that what you have signed up for is life. What is unfolding for me in 2016 is perhaps exactly what is meant to happen, which is the reality of living.

I think our strength comes from an understanding that life is tumultuous and, more often than not, does not go to plan.

We can hurt, we can cry and we can feel broken - but to be a complete human and fully participate in life, we have to accept that things change. I think this is the way it is supposed to be.

I don't much like feeling screwed up, but I am coming to realise that to deepen my soul, to build my character and to live a rich life then my attitude must change. I will have to open myself up to the way life is and not what I've decided it is supposed to be.

It is true that "The only thing that is constant is change" (Heraclitus) - and perhaps 2016 is meant to be the year that I am reminded of this. It is a humbling experience and I will build it into my repertoire of being human.

How well are you prepared for change?

-A registered psychologist with a masters in applied psychology, Whanganui mother-of-two Kristen Hamling is studying for a PhD in wellbeing at Auckland University of Technology.